Megyn KKKelly LEARNED Today

(A version of this post first appeared on the citizen.education website.)

Time to take out the trash…

Last year amid side eyes and confusion, former Fox News Host Megyn KKKelly, awash in white privilege, was gifted her own morning show on NBC. From the start, Kelly seemed an odd and unwelcome choice to the Today show line up; Her brand, which usually caters to obtuse, bottom feeding, nitwits that think “fair and balanced” means “bigoted rhetoric only white people who vote against their best interests believe,” doesn’t really match a partisan neutral, family station like NBC.

The previous 9 AM slot, a ratings leader hosted by venerated veteran Al Roker and walking, talking #BlackGirlMagic, Tamron “your fave could NEVA” Hall, was doing great, and the change seemed antithetical to the progress the network was making. It felt like a move by somebody who wanted to Make Morning Shows Great Again. Most people saw this for what it was—a whitewashing of the daytime lineup, and the National Association of Black Journalists even released a statement calling NBC to the carpet. Yet, NBC persisted.

In September, “Megyn Kelly Today” debuted with special guests, the cast of Will and Grace. It took no time at all for her true colors to come shining through. Kelly surprised a Will and Grace superfan with tickets to a taping of the show. She awkwardly joked not once, but twice about the fan’s sexuality. Debra Messing, replying to those who questioned her appearance on the episode, informed the public that the cast didn’t even know they were going to KKKelly’s show. Which lends credence to the rumors that NBC was having a rough time booking celebrities who weren’t already on their payroll to come and chat it up with Aryan Pride Barbie. The show consistently floundered; Megyn’s constant gaffes as she tried to be a real girl instead of the wooden trash she’s made of, gave her show publicity for all the wrong reasons. She was out of her element having to talk to normal Americans instead of Fox News viewers, and the struggle translated into terrible ratings. The third hour of Today was down nearly 30% in their key demographic.

In her latest show of incompetence and inherent racism, KKKelly decided to question why it’s wrong for white people to wear blackface for Halloween.  Lemme say that again: THIS FOOL WANTS TO KNOW WHY IT IS WRONG FOR WHITE PEOPLE TO WEAR BLACKFACE FOR HALLOWEEN. Which indicates that she understands that it’s wrong, in GENERAL, but for ONE DAY? Y’all gon’ police racism on the ONE DAY she’s supposed to be able to get away with it? Y’all can’t let her have this ONE DAY?!?! What is WRONG with y’all? Y’all have Bella Noche’d Megyn’s holiday! Y’all upsetting her and her homegirls, because they feel like, well damn, if you can’t go full racist on Halloween, when the hell can you go?!?!?

Turns out never, if you want to keep a job that isn’t on Fox News. On Thursday, Oct. 25th, 2018—one year and one month after the debut of her horrible show, KKKelly has been fired amid the blackface backlash. Now, you can imagine her shock and confusion, seeing as though back in 2013, while on her previous network, it was perfectly fine for her to spew ignorance as fact by saying Santa Claus, a fictional character actually based on a Greek/Turkish man, was “just white.” Megyn tried to calm all the little klansmen in training by stating: “And by the way, for all you kids watching at home, Santa just is white. But this person is just arguing that maybe we should also have a black Santa, but Santa is what he is, and just so you know, we’re just debating this ’cause someone wrote about it, kids.” Did she stop there? OH NO. She then went on to say that Jesus, of Nazareth, born in a manger in Bethlehem, a Galilean Jew who died in Jerusalem, was also white. And that it was just a fact: “Jesus was a white man, too… He was a historical figure, that’s a verifiable fact, as is Santa. I just want the kids watching to know that.” I would just like to remind everyone that Galilee is in close proximity to the countries we know today as Syria and Iraq—the homelands of people good ol’ “Christian" Fox viewers love to hate. I’d also like to remind folks that “The Kelly File” aired at 9 PM on weeknights. Megyn thinking “kids” were actually up watching her show is almost as confusing as her thinking Santa is real and Jesus is white.

KKKelly’s show being pulled off the air is definitely the proper response to her comments, her lack of awareness, her lack of talent, and her overall garbage existence. Yet, we still have to question WHY she was given the job in the FIRST place. It’s not like she has ever shown a penchant for factual journalism or possesses likability. But THIS is who NBC overlooked Tamron Hall for. THIS is who NBC paid $69 Million to, TWENTY TIMES more than Tamron was paid. THIS is who NBC built a $10 Million studio for. Of of the myriad ways to waste money, THIS is how NBC chose to do so, and rumor has it there’s no way out of fulfilling that $69 Million contract, even though Megyn only “earned” $20 Million since the show was cancelled in the first year. Meanwhile, Tamron is outchea living her best life on another network, and throwing expert shade at the network that picked White mediocrity over Black excellence (as is routine on a daily basis in all industries across America.…*sigh*).

I don’t know if NBC has ever taken such a huge L, between the ratings drop, the damaged reputation, the blowback AND the millions? That’s quite a hit. But what can they expect when they hire and validate proven racists like KKKelly and her ilk?

Guess they gon’ learn TODAY. 

Um...are y'all watching this RWPS?

So…y’all. Can we talk about Succession?

When this show first started, I was slightly interested, but never really committed to watching the whole episode. I thought it was just another jibber-jabber show about white people white peopling, and in this particular racial/political climate I had not the time, mental capacity, or emotional bandwidth to care about WPS*, especially RWPS**.
*White People Shit
*Rich White People Shit

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Oh, how wrong I was.

Yes, it’s white people white peopling, HOWEVER—there is something so intriguing and dark and human about this show that it sucked me clean on in.  Let’s get into it.

Cast of Characters:

Sadistic Santa

Logan Roy: the patriarch of this uber rich family, and head of the 5th largest media conglomerate in the world, Waystar RoyCo.  (Note: These people have billions with an “s”.) Think Rupert Murdoch if Rupert Murdoch were an actual human being and not the trash with sentience he is.

Evil Stepmother

Marcia Roy: his third wife, a mysterious French-Middle Eastern woman whose motives are hard as hell to read, therefore I DON’T TRUST THIS HOE. She seems to want the family to bond, but is also a shepherd for the devil. (PS: Her husband is the devil.)

Tweedledumb 

Connor Roy: the oldest son from Logan’s first marriage, who—bless his little heart—is too rich to know how dumb he is. He’s a crunchy granola republican who owns organic farms and aquifers, because nothing says “I’m environmentally responsible” more than capitalizing off of clean food and water. Currently in love with a call girl named Willa, whose theatre career aspirations he volunteers to finance...but that just seems to be the leash he uses to keep her close.

Oh, Kendall.

Kendall Roy: Logan’s second oldest son, firstborn of the second wife, and heir apparent. Kendall, Kendall, Kendall.  He’s an over-eager, “I can do it myself cause I’m a big boy” ball of daddy issues. He wants the brass ring, but he also wants his father’s approval. Both seem to always be out of his reach.

Toxic Terrible Tweedledumber

Romulus “Roman” Roy: the youngest son. If Donald Trump, Don Jr., and Eric Trump were mashed together into one solid lump of biological waste, it would be Roman. He is incompetent, idiotic, and a harbinger of chaos. I suspect he’s also in the closet, because his performative masculinity is diametrically opposed to his performances in bed with the ladies. And they complain. To his face.

Sassy McSassypants (She wears some GREAT pairs of pants in the show, y'all.)

Siobhan “Shiv” Roy: the youngest child and only daughter. Clearly the smartest of the Roy children and should probably be running the company but patriarchy exists, even in nepotism. She has now branched out to become a political strategist trying to shape the next POTUS. Shiv seems to have severe commitment issues because…well, she’s a Roy. Both the name and the blood put her in a bad position when it comes to giving or receiving love.

Tweedledumbest

Greg Hirsch: grand-nephew of Logan Roy, grandson of Logan's estranged brother, Ewan Roy. Greg is rich white privilege personified; His ineptitude actually got him a promotion. I would say he is the perfect example of #WhiteMediocrityStayWinning, but dude isn’t even mediocre. The only thing he does well is trip and fall into the right situations at the right time.

THIS sad little bowl of oatmeal...

Tom Wabsgams: From “humble, midwest origins”, he’s the newly minted head of Waysat RoyCo's theme parks division…and also Shiv’s boyfriend. Tom is, at his core, a good person—but the allure of being as powerful and rich as the Roys is an intoxicating drug, and dude likes to OD. He can be a complete asshole because he feels he’s earned the right to do so, but knows his place around the Roys. Currently uses Greg as his errand/whipping boy.

Sn 1 Ep 1: Celebration

We start with Logan Roy stumbling out of bed confused and sleepily wandering around his room, where he relieves himself in a corner. It’s a sad and humanizing moment when his wife finds him, turns on the light, and he realizes that he just peed the carpet like a puppy.  She comforts him by saying they’re in the “new place,” but clearly something’s off.

Next, we’re introduced to Kendall, who looks like every stereotype of corporate white boys ever: sitting in the back of a luxury car, rap music blasting in his earphones while he clumsily and swaglessly sings along, hyping himself up for the day.

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Today is gonna be his shining moment—not only will he close a huge media company acquisition deal, his coronation as CEO of Waystar RoyCo is supposed to go public in a few hours (to coincide with his father’s 80th birthday). In the meeting, he swings his money-dick and uses outdated slang to try and convince the owner to sign on the dotted line. It has exactly the opposite effect. Lawrence (the owner of the media company), curves the HELL out of him and calls him a drugged out daddy’s boy. Now, Kendall is the king of trying too hard, but even I said “damn, that was harsh AF.” Lawrence deuces out on the elevator and Kendall goes into damage control mode. A lawyer asks him “Do you want to call your dad?” and that’s apparently his achilles heel. He makes a hasty decision to spend more than originally planned and two seconds later, the phone rings. It’s daddy.

Greg, the grand nephew, is starting his new job at a Waystar RoyCo theme park. He sits in his car getting stoned before orientation, then in pure stoner fashion, does something that gets him fired on his first day. He calls his mom with a lie so unbelievable, he might still be high.  Mommy is over it, because this phone call has interrupted her xanny-nap, so she instructs him to own his privilege and fly to New York to get his grand-uncle to hire him. Which he balks at…because he has to wear a blazer.

Back at the office Roman brings his special brand of energy into the room, talking out of both sides of his neck, and making us question whether he ever takes anything seriously. He dances between calling bullshit on all the corporate nonsense and trying really hard to fit into all the corporate nonsense. It’s hard to tell whether he’s extremely relieved or extremely jealous that his brother will be promoted over him.

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Shiv and Tom are outside a jewelry store, where he is begging for her help on what to get her dad for his birthday. She says her dad doesn’t like things, so just make it look like $10-15K and he should be ok. *RECORD SCRATCH*
Waitaminit.
Ten to Fifteen THOUSAND American dollars. On one purchase. For a billionaire. Who doesn’t like things.

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This is actually where I stopped watching the show the first time. Because say huh say what? Who is throwing around $10-15 THOUSAND DAMN DOLLARS on a gift for someone you’re not even sure LIKES you? My birthday gift cap for people is like $30-$50—and that’s if I LOVE you. You get 10-15 alright….10-15 FIVE DOLLAR BILLS, BRUH. I was like “I can’t relate to this rich white nonsense.”  But I’m glad I came back, because soon after is where stuff started going DOWN.

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At the office again, Kendall is offering suggestions to get Lawrence’s business—including blow jobs and reach arounds—not noticing Logan has walked in. Caught being crass, he instantly shifts from shot caller to scared little boy. Logan claims he’s just stopping by to get Kendall’s signature on “housekeeping” paperwork. Ken tells his dad he might not be able to make the birthday lunch being planned for him, because he’s really trying to lock down the deal. Logan serves him light shade about priorities, and leaves.

Now don’t get me wrong—it’s a parent’s prerogative to guilt trip their kids for not spending time with them (and they’re Catholic, so guilt is their speciality), but you’d think someone as successful as Logan would understand the difference between your kid blowing you off and your kid trying to ensure the success of your legacy…right? This is our first glance into the family dynamic of the Roy clan, and it’s just the tip of the gaslighting iceberg.

Fast forward to the penthouse party:
Logan walks in to a foyer full of family there to celebrate his 80th birthday, and does not seem happy about any of it. Not the party, not turning 80, not cousin Greg showing up on his doorstep, not people congratulating Kendall (who blew off work to come to his dad’s party…#CatholicGuiltWorks), just crotchety and grumpy AF. He tries to feign interest in his children’s lives though...because he wants something.

They meet in another room, and he announces that he needs them all to sign the paperwork Kendall has already signed, which turns out to be documents to put his wife Marcia on the family trust…and give her double voting power on the board of the company when he dies.

*hard squint* I’m sorry…wha?
I’m not even rich but even *I* had a problem with Miss New Booty coming through and taking chunks of a pie she never bought ingredients for, mixed, baked, nor cut, but also, HAVING MORE SAY THAN ALL YOUR KIDS?!? WHAT KINDA SHIT IS THIS!?!?

Oh, an, uh, HE’S NOT STEPPING DOWN FROM THE COMPANY so bump what you heard. #OldWHERE

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I was sitting on my couch with the gas face FOR Kendall.  SOOOOOOOOOOON!!! You. literally. got. sonned. By your actual dad. You literally experienced the origin of the phrase. SOOOOOOOOOOON. Then dude just says “Ok, lunch is ready, let’s go,” and walks out the door like he’s ready to party. Bruh. HOW?

The siblings are dumbfounded and blindsided but, as Shiv notes, it’s typical dad. Kendall ain’t here for that explanation, so he storms across the hall to confront his dad. (Note: Black people, PLEASE don’t ever think you can do this to one of your parents. This is a world we know nothing about. You will surely die if you run upon your parent like this dude did.) He and Logan go back and forth, and we are given another glance at the dynamic between father and son.

You know, some people believe there are only two things that motivate every decision we make in the world: love and fear. Logan intimates that loving concern for Kendall, post-rehab, is his motivation but I suspect the opposite. Logan fears getting old, and his body has betrayed him. So what are the things he can still control? His company and his children. And he will do it with a vengeance.

The conversation then shifts to Logan gaslighting TF out of Kendall about his bad decision making skills, including not having a lawyer review the trust papers HE asked Kendall to sign, and coming to the birthday party (that HE guilted him into) instead of staying in the room and working on the deal. Kendall is standing there with the Authur fist (no, literally) and Logan gets right in his face and says “Do you wanna hit me?…Are you gonna cry?” Wow. Wow. WOW.

Kendall was #BigMad

[Sidenote: Brian Cox and Jeremy Strong are acting their asses off on this show and I really thought they were going to engage in ye olde fisticuffs in this scene.]

Kendall then goes to throw a tantrum let off some steam, and lunch is served.

The rest of the episode goes on to show you more about lives of the rich that I will never understand, like having on-call helicopters shuttle you to a baseball field you own…in the winter/spring…and have a full craft services table set up when you get there), but there are some key moments we’re given even more information about what kind of people the Roys are. One where you will either cheer for Kendall, or think he actually IS the bad decision maker his dad has made him out to be; one where you see just how insane and cruel Roman is; and one where you get a grasp on how important family actually is to Logan…as it relates to business.

Fair warning: the ending ensures you will want to watch Episode 2.

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