UNGA Comedy Special

(A version of this post first appeared on the citizen.education website.)

Thank You & Try The Veal!

Today, instead of being bored with the business of maintaining solid social, economic, cultural and humanitarian efforts across the globe, the United Nations General Assembly was treated to a comedy show staring Mango Mussolini himself, Donald J. Trump. Although he arrived half an hour late to his set, the orange-dyed dictator landed some solid laughs right out of the gate. With a straight face and steeled reserve, he dug into his favorite bag of one liners to deliver this gem: "In less than two years, my administration has accomplished more than almost any administration in the history of our country…” A wave of giggles began to take over the audience, interrupting the statement and almost derailing the despot, but salmon colored Satan knows how to work his audience. In the next breath, he went in for the kill by stating: “So true.” The crowd lost it. Never before, in the history of the UNGA, has a world leader been laughed at so heartily. This is definitely one for the record and history books. To top it all off, the idiot-in-chief showed a fleeting moment of chagrin when he said “Didn’t expect that reaction, but that’s ok,” to which the crowd applauded and laughed harder.

Unfortunately, that was the peak of his performance. As the rest of his set labored on, he bragged on his bromance with crazed dictator Kim Jong Un, rambled through complaints about America being treated unfairly in trade agreements, and threw jabs at China, the Assad regime, Iran, and Germany. The Germans, however, took it in stride, offering up more laughter and shared whispers among themselves which seemed to say “This guy is hilarious!” Even still, Trump was visibly out of his depth at the podium. This was not the audience full of MAGA hats and “Lock Her Up” chants he’s grown so accustomed to for the past three years. On this stage, he is among political peers and intellectual giants. The clementine clown act just doesn’t cut it at the UN.

True to form, there is always, always, ALWAYS A TWEET that makes a Trump situation ironic as hell. I rarely agree with the statements of Donald Trump, but on this 25th day of September in the year of our Lord two thousand and eighteen, I find myself on one accord with a tweet his assistant he made long before he became the HNIC (Head Nectarine In Charge).  It stated: “We need a President who isn’t a laughing stock to the entire World. We need a truly great leader, a genius at strategy and winning. Respect!”—Donald J. Trump, August 9, 2014 3:30 AM (via Twitter)
Indeed, we do, and I believe Donald Trump can actually be the one who will facilitate this occurrence, by including these two words into his next public speech: "I resign.”
(Bonus points if he adds: “And I’m taking Pence with me.”)