Little White Lies vs. ACTUAL WHITE LIES

(A version of this post first appeared on the citizen.education website.)

Maryland State Delegate Mary Ann Lisanti (D)

Hard truth: lying is a part of being human. Big lies, small lies, lies of commission and omission; If there is one thing you can count on human beings to do at least once in their lives, it’s lie. Whether it be a lie to spare someone’s feelings, like the ones you tell at office pot lucks (You know damn well you’re not gonna try Brenda’s nasty looking crock pot surprise, so telling her you’re “on a cleanse” is just easier), or a lie to make something more appealing (Telling people Brenda’s dish was SOOOO GOOOOD last time you had it—which was never), or even a lie to avoid getting caught in a previous lie (YES you ARE still on a cleanse, you’re taking the cupcake hidden under this napkin HOME to your KID…), most people consider the majority of lies they tell harmless or benign, which is why they call them “white lies.” White denotes purity, therefore a white lie must be something pure in intention; innocent; meant to help and not harm.

Then we have actual white lies: the lies white people tell to excuse their racism and bigotry. From Virginia Governor Ralph Northam and his “it wasn’t me in that picture” (after first apologizing for being in the picture, but ok), to newly minted dummy of the day Del. Mary Ann Lisanti, white people can come up with some WHOPPERS when faced with the label of “racist.” Lisanti is the latest casualty of the True Colors Shining Through epidemic, after a colleague reported that she used disparaging language to describe the majority Black county of Prince George’s, Maryland. According to reports, Miss Mary Ann told her white colleague that when he campaigned in Prince George’s on behalf of a candidate last fall he was door-knocking in a “n----- district.” When first questioned on the accusation, she acquired situational amnesia (a frequent symptom of the TCST epidemic) and stated “I don’t recall that. . . . I don’t recall much of that evening.” Later, when asked if she’d ever used the n-word, Lisanti went with “I’m sure I have. . . . I’m sure everyone has used it. I’ve used the f-word. I used the Lord’s name in vain.” However when witnesses came forward, she firmly stated her white lie. Mary Ann Lisanti, a Democratic Lawmaker in the state of Maryland, released a statement to the American public, in the year of our Lord, two thousand and nineteen, that read in part: “I am sickened that a word that is not in my vocabulary came out of my mouth. It does not represent my belief system, my life’s work or what is my heart.”
A word…that is not in her vocabulary….came out of her mouth. Like, involuntarily.

Ok.

Now, look—I don’t claim, to have knowledge of every miracle, medical wonder, or inexplicable phenomenon to have ever occurred, but I’m fairly confident that words don’t just emanate from the larynx unassisted by the brain. Especially words like nigger. Especially words like nigger, when referencing Black people. ESPECIALLY words like nigger, when referencing Black people, from an American White person. For instance, I don’t know the French word for ugly. It’s literally NOT in my VOCABULARY,

 therefore I have not, do not, and probably will not ever use it to describe ugly things. (I just looked it up though, and it’s “laid”—which now makes me question if every time someone said “your hair is LAID” it actually meant my hair looked like trash…but I digress.) Yet when you use a word in proper context and common definition, it is safe to say the word is definitely within your vocabulary.

Mary Ann, why you lying? WHY? Just say you didn’t mean to speak in such an ugly way. Say that you apparently have inherent biases that prevent you from being objective when it comes to Black people. Blame it on your privileged and prejudiced upbringing. Blame it on your parents using the word around you growing up. Blame it on the rain. Blame it on the a-a-a-a-a-alcohol. But this whole invasion of the bodysnatchers routine is for the birds, as are most actual white lies. Reason being? Actual White lies are easy to spot. They require such a Herculean suspension of disbelief that the most common reaction to hearing them, across multiple demographics, is “bitch, please.” Actual white lies want us to disassociate with our own life experiences and believe in fantasies, fallacies, and fictional fuckery. They are not just an insult to human intelligence they are, themselves, just…dumb. Literally without intellectual content or logical thought. As are the people that tell them.

As of this writing, it has been reported that Lisanti was stripped of her leadership role on an unemployment subcommittee, and will attend sensitivity training for the offense. I wonder if the training will be run by a young priest and an old priest? Maybe Lorraine Warren, famed Connecticut paranormal investigator (and the lady from “The Conjuring”) will make the trip down to the DMV? No matter who facilitates it, I fear whatever possessed Mary Ann and forced her to say words that “aren’t in her vocabulary” won’t be exorcised. Some believe you have to call a demon by it’s name in order to cast it out—but as long as White people continue to tell these actual white lies? Racism and bigotry are here to stay.

Deal With Racism. Deal Directly With Racism. Do Not Pass Go. Do Not Collect 200 Ally Points.

(A version of this post first appeared on the citizen.education website.)

Dear America: when will y’all start giving everyone else the same amount of credit/benefit of the doubt/empathy and/or sympathy you give racist white boys? Before you reply “Well, whatsoever do you MEAN?!?”, take into consideration the latest egregious examples of freely issued RHP™ (Racist Hall Passes™) white boys have gotten so far in the year of our Lord, two thousand and nineteen.

PS? It’s only February.

First, we have the MAGA hat wearing, cocky sneer projecting, destined to grow up and be a mediocre white boy failing forward Nick Sandmann; the Kentucky high-schooler who alleges the viral video of him in confident Caucasian confrontation with a Native American elder was misinterpreted by everyone who saw it. Sandmann claims he was “trying to diffuse the situation” through “silent prayer,” and that he and his friends did absolutely nothing to provoke anyone out there on the mall (insert picture of White Jesus with halo here). It was also widely claimed that video of an encounter with Black Hebrew Israelites proves that the teen and his group of future klansman comrades were attacked FIRST, therefore rightfully deserved to counter attack the Native Americans…who had absolutely nothing to do with the Black Hebrew Israelites. *blank stare*

Now, if you don’t live in a major metropolitan area where public transportation is the main mode of travel, you’re probably wondering “WTF is a Black Hebrew Israelite”? Basically they’re the Westboro Baptist of Black religion without the professionally printed signs (Seriously, they need to step their signage game up. Crooked letters taped to flimsy poster board is not a very convincing argument that you are *the* chosen people). They are usually dressed in costumes made with shiny lame fabric (yes, it looks lame but it’s pronounced lah-may), or in traditional-ish Middle Eastern garb, or padded breastplates and kneepads looking like they just finished laser tag, or in regular clothes…there’s really no consistency in their attire. BHI’s stand near the entrances of subways or in public gathering spots (like the National Mall), yelling their insanity beliefs into a karaoke machine and hurling insults at just about anyone that confusingly looks their way—especially white people. Seriously, WHO AMONGST US has not been verbally assaulted by Black Hebrew Israelites, no matter our race? If anything, they should be lauded as Equal Opportunity Offenders. With a surface level google search, you will find numerous accounts of BLACK people detailing their aggressive and abusive encounters with BHI’s. In Sandmann’s case, according to the video at least, the level of harassment they experienced was like a 3 on a scale of 1 to 10. (You haven’t experienced real harassment of the BHI until you’re standing at the Chinatown train station in DC, waiting at the crosswalk for the light to change, and that speaker is blowing your eardrum out calling lighter skinned Black women “demon possessed mongrels,” yo.) Being called “dusty crackers” from 10 yards away pales in comparison to their regularly employed insults.

Even still, Sandmann (and his PR team) decided to blame BHI’s for the disrespectful standoff with elder Nathan Phillips, and not Sandmann’s own inherent racism, as demonstrated by his choice to purchase and wear a bright red hat emblazoned with the official slogan of Trumpian bigots. Rather than examining the racist irony of a white kid smugly staring down a NATIVE American in a “Make America Great Again” hat, the media decided to give him a chance to “explain himself”. Folks like Savannah Guthrie of NBC’s Today Show offered Sandmann a huge platform to create a scapegoat, disingenuously portray his actions as an innocent attempt to heal the racial divide, and actually scold people for “jumping to conclusions.” (White women can always be counted on to uplift, protect, and preserve the virtue of white boys and men, can’t they? *eye roll*) As soon as Sandmann and his mendacious, mouth breathing countenance hit the air waves? Boom. America gave him a RHP™.

Next up we have Tom Brokaw who, for decades, was a respected journalist on NBC Nightly News (Wait…NBC again? What kind of conversations are happening in y’alls breakroom?!?). Recently, good ol’ Thomas was pontificating on immigration and allowed his true feelings on the matter to slip through his seemingly objective, thin lipped visage. He stated: “And a lot of this, we don't want to talk about. But the fact is, on the Republican side, a lot of people see the rise of an extraordinary, important, new constituent in American politics, Hispanics, who will come here and all be Democrats. Also, I hear, when I push people a little harder, "Well, I don't know whether I want brown grandbabies." I mean, that's also a part of it. It's the intermarriage that is going on and the cultures that are conflicting with each other. I also happen to believe that the Hispanics should work harder at assimilation. That's one of the things I've been saying for a long time. You know, they ought not to be just codified in their communities but make sure that all their kids are learning to speak English, and that they feel comfortable in the communities. And that's going to take outreach on both sides, frankly.” Ooof. Tell ‘em why you mad, Tom, TELL ‘EM WHY YOU MAD!!! But, like…only in English, I guess? Brokaw has since apologized for this colossal gaffe, and since his track record doesn’t lend itself to racism, one could argue he earned his RHP™. But let’s be clear: the incident is going into his file, permanently (alongside this). NBC has also offered a statement saying Brokaw’s comments were inaccurate and inappropriate and they are glad he apologized. (Maybe y’all need to hold a cultural sensitivity workshop over at 30 Rock…just saying.)

Most recently, Virginia’s Moonwalking Governor Ralph Northam was accused of appearing in a very racist yearbook picture unearthed from his Medical School days. There are only two people in the picture—one in a shit-ton of offensive blackface paint, the other in a hooded KKK uniform. The picture appears on a personal, “about me”-type page in the 1984 yearbook, alongside other fully recognizable photos of the Governor, with his full name emblazoned across the top. When the pic hit the media on Friday night, he immediately apologized for his actions, and numerous legislators called for his resignation. But in a privilege peppered PLOT TWIST: Northam called a press conference Saturday afternoon to say “J/K you guise!! That actually wasn’t me in that picture I took responsibility for yesterday and yes this is ABSOLUTELY the truth.” While denouncing one blackface incident, Northam strangely confesses to participating in a DIFFERENT blackface incident—a dance contest where he imitated Michael Jackson doing the moonwalk in just a tiny bit of blackface (because shoe polish is hard to get off, he only used a tiny bit. Yes this was the explanation he gave.) For around 45 minutes, everyone not only entertained his earnest and seemingly sincere switcharoo, the press mostly softballed him on the question front. I was waiting for someone to ask “Governor, are you high? Well, were you high yesterday? Was your yearbook editor high? Sir, do you think we are high?” As of the time of this writing, Northam is still refusing to resign, but a staff meeting was called Sunday night to discuss the future of his administration. That there is a possibility he will remain Governor of Virginia beyond Monday morning shows that he already has a temporary RHP™, and the probability is high that his permanent one soon come; This “unfortunate incident” will be considered an attack on him rather than exposing his past wrongdoings and bad judgement. He will be victimized and called a victim of political correctness. Never mind that he literally admitted to wearing blackface before.

If these same courtesies and allowances were offered toward minorities, maybe they wouldn’t feel so racist. If Black and Brown people got the chance to explain themselves when they were innocent, let alone when they are caught in questionable situations, maybe the world would feel a little more fair. If someone took the time to offer them a platform to maintain their humanity, minorities might actually trust that justice exists. As it stands, the only people given a pass in matters of race are the ones who offend minorities.