for white women who consider commenting when being quiet is ENUF

(A version of this post first appeared on the citizen.education website.)

Oh boy. Another well meaning white woman has placed her pretty, porcelain-toned foot in her mouth again. And…it’s one I actually like. Help, Fatha. *facepalm*

Bette Midler, who has earned much deserved praise for being a national theatre treasure and a sassy-as-can-be critic of Mango Mussolini, committed a giant misstep last night when she resurrected Yoko Ono’s 1969 trash-ass quote “Woman is the ni**er of the World.” I could write 5,674 paragraphs on how this is one of the most asinine, offensive comparisons ever made, but I’mma save my breath.  Because it doesn’t make a difference. Because when Yoko Ono got flamed for it back then, she and John Lennon just doubled down and made a SONG out of the s#!t three years later. Yes, Beatle John Lennon. Yes, “Imagine” John Lennon. Let’s face it: No matter their race, most (if not ALL) of our faves are problematic AF.

Bette wandered into this minefield while attempting to make a point about the blatant disrespect and oppression women across the planet have experienced, in light of the travesty happening on the hill re: Brett Kavanaugh. Her tweet went on to say: “Raped, beaten, enslaved (‘scuse me? Um…I’m still trying to figure out what woman of European background was “enslaved”, but I’mma let you finish), married off, worked like dumb animals; denied education and inheritance (or reparations…but go ‘head….); enduring the pain and danger of childbirth (Black women 3-4 times MORESO than any other race of women, but still…keep on talking…) and life IN SILENCE for THOUSANDS of years[.] They are the most disrespected creatures on earth [sic].”

People came in hot and fast, letting Ms. Bette know she was on that bullshit. Did she stop, *slide biggity bounce* pause, *shiggity wash it twerk it* and look at God, while contemplating why she was wrong?(My Louisiana people know that reference.) Nah, not at first. She did what any self-righteous tweeter in 2018 does when they are called out: made the situation worse by trying to explain why they were indeed, right the first time. Her follow up tweet read: “I gather I have offended many by my last tweet. ‘Women are the…etc’ is a quote from Yoko Ono from 1972, which I never forgot. It rang true then, and it rings true today, whether you like it or not (ORLY BISH?!?!). This is not about race, this is about the status of women; THEIR HISTORY."

Bette. Ma’am. How you gon’ say something *isn’t* about race when CLEARLY you used race as a descriptor in trying to emphasize and support your claim?!? That’s not how this works. THAT’S NOT HOW ANY OF THIS WORKS.  Folks tried again to help her, some even pointing out the obvious, that BLACK WOMEN ACTUALLY STILL EXIST (therefore this wrongheaded comparison shouldn’t…), but good ol’ Bette wasn’t having it. Mama's talkin' loud. Mama's doin' fine. Mama's gettin' hot. Mama's goin' stong.

Next, she tweeted a snippet of Jane Mayer and Ronan Farrow’s New Yorker article detailing the humiliation of Kavanaugh supporter and subject of lascivious limericks, Renate Dolphin, captioned: “SEE WHAT I MEAN??” No Bette. We don’t see it. You know what we see? “From a distance, you look like my friend”, but lady we just cannot comprehend WHY YOU WON’T STOP AND LISTEN TO WHAT WE ARE SAYING! Is the wind beneath your wings that hazy and dense?

After HOURS of people attempting to explain why the FIRST tweet was inappropriate, the SECOND tweet was unacceptable, and the THIRD tweet was damn near abominable, Bette offered this olive branch, in hopes of correcting her course: “The too brief investigation of allegations against Kavanaugh infuriated me. Angrily I tweeted w/o thinking my choice of words would be enraging to black women who doubly suffer, both by being women and by being black. I am an ally and stand with you; always have. And I apologize.”

Now, because I am a reasonable person, and tend to take people at their word (when they don’t have a track record of being completely obtuse), I accept Ms. Midler’s apology. I realize that she is a woman of a certain age, who may or may not be well versed in how to conduct herself on social media with the caution and care necessary in today’s reactionary times. (Bette wasn’t ready for the furor that is Black twitter, y’all. They have #Canceled her…even though 65% of them didn’t even know who she was in the first place TO cancel. LMAO) Look—we’re human. We make mistakes. And the most accurate measure of a person’s maturity and willingness to learn is their being able to admit said mistakes and earnestly apologizing for them (even if it takes a few hundred tweets explaining why you’re wrong, and a few hours for the realization to kick in…*sigh*). Bette’s past actions and commentary lead me to believe she is a genuine ally to minorities, who deserves a second chance. She earnestly didn’t know why she was wrong. Now she does. Let’s move forward…but keep this in her file for reference. *side eye*

As a hardline, general rule? White women, lissen. Listen to me. Please.
Don’t you EVA *clap* NOT *clap* NEVA *clap clap clap* compare yourselves to another marginalized group in order to prove you’re oppressed. There is ENOUGH injustice to go around, and we don’t need qualifiers. Y’all are still #2 on the totem pole of world domination, and at least 53% of you in this country are fighting tooth and nail to maintain said position. Yes, women are ABSOLUTELY being maltreated in every corner of the globe. But what we’re NOT finna do is act like being considered a “ni**er” AND a woman isn’t a herculean load to carry for BLACK WOMEN. The irony of saying and thinking people treat “ni**ers” SO bad in this country, that women can be classified as “the ni**ers of the WORLD” isn’t lost on me. The problem is, ni**ers are still treated as ni**ers all over the world too, madam. Whether YOU like it or not, the oppression olympics is one contest you will never win.

Rose, the iconic character Bette portrayed in the musical “Gypsy,” laments in her final number: “Why did I do it? What did it get me?” I hope Ms. Midler is somewhere reflecting on this faux pas and pledging to do better in the future, and that white women who claim to be allies use this as a cautionary tale. Yes, you have every right to lament about your oppression, just not at the expense of other people who have it as bad as, if not WORSE than you. Measure your words carefully, and proceed with caution. Phone a minority friend before you tweet if necessary. Be thoughtful, not harmful. If you choose otherwise, we’ll all be singing another line from that song: “Thanks a lot and out with the garbage.” 

Rape Apologists Raise Funds for Raggedy (alleged) Rapist

(A version of this post first appeared on the citizen.education website)

In today’s latest installment of “Losing My Faith In Humanity”… *sigh*
Brett Kavanaugh, the drunken frat boy who is wholly unfit to sit on any bench (let alone one in the highest court of the land), apparently has a bevy of sympathizers willing to come up out of their pockets and pensions to show their support…and ignorance. Started by John Hawkins of Ocean Isle Beach, NC, a Go Fund Me page for “Brett Kavanaugh’s Family” has raised over $500K in 8 days. Half a million dollars. For a privileged white man who is gainfully employed and looking for a raise. For a man who owns a $1.2 Million dollar home in Chevy Chase. For a man who will earn a pension somewhere around $250K a year. Really? Far be it from me to spend other people’s money, but I’m sure there are causes more worthy than this.

Johnny boy, whose claim to fame is running the “Right Wing News” website where he’s touted as the “blogosphere’s premier interviewer” (and he’s verified on Twitter AND Facebook, THANK YOU VERY MUCH), fears for Brett’s safety and wants his family to be taken care of in this “very scary time for young men in America” (side eye to salmon colored Satan for that nonsense). John says the money will go toward security detail for the Kavanaugh Klan, or be used “however they see fit”. He doesn’t personally know Kavanaugh—as is made evident in every update he’s posted on the account, detailing his attempts to get in touch with the family. John has contacts that know people that know Kavanaugh…maybe. I’m guessing this is a friend of a friend’s sister’s cousin’s hairdresser’s FedEx guy that delivers Brett’s kegs on a weekly basis? Who knows. As of the latest update, he has talked to a staffer that knows the judge and was told it may take a little while before they get an answer as to what to do with the money.

What’s most surprising (read: ABSOLUTELY EXPECTED BECAUSE 53%ers ARE TRASH) is the number of women who have contributed to this campaign. At the time of this writing, the “most raised from sharing” distinction goes to Ms. Dori Medina, whose social network apparently consists of people who think Brett has gotten a raw deal and have collectively raised $105 toward the effort. Dori, I could name about 50 other charities that could put that $105 toward MUCH better use, namely RAINN, the National Sexual Assault Hotline. They experienced an unprecedented 200% increase in call volume during Kavanaugh’s hearing and, according to their website, are still having longer than usual wait times. The irony of this situation is quite disheartening: Assault survivors finally feel brave enough to share their stories, yet 11,813 people feel the man accused of attempted rape and other sexual deviances is the one who needs protection. I admittedly haven’t done the math, but I’d wager at least 53% of those eleven thousand are white women. These people should all be ashamed of themselves. Next time they inquire as to why women don’t report sexual assault? They should check their bank and credit card statements.

I Am White Man...Hear Me ROAR

(A version of this post first appeared on the citizen.education website)

Oh, boy. Thursday was a DAY.

The Senate Judiciary Committee held a public hearing for Supreme Court Nominee Brett Kavanaugh and Dr. Christine Blasey Ford, one of the 4 (5? I can’t keep up…) women who has accused him of being a sexual assailant. This hearing was supposed to help the committee and the American public get a better view into the allegations, hear both sides of the story, and possibly determine their validity in a non-partisan, objective environment. Yeaaaaaaaah, that didn’t really happen.

The first clue that the GOP was full of games and shenanigans was the presence of Rachel Mitchell, a special prosecutor from Arizona experienced in sex crimes. The Judiciary Committee has no women on the GOP side, so what do these old-crotchety-white-men-who-only-want-to-promote-their-agendas do? Hire one from across the country and fly her in to question Dr. Ford, so that they don’t *look like* the bunch of old-crotchety-white-men-attacking-a-survivor-of-sexual-abuse-in-order-to-promote-their-agendas they are. Ms. Mitchell however, proved to be a bit of a backfired plan for the Republicans. Since the committee members take 5 minute turns, and the political parties alternate each turn, Mitchell was only allowed to proceed after her questioning had been interrupted by apologies and praise from Democrats. Through this frustrating and tedious process, Mitchell ended up bolstering Dr. Ford’s credibility, almost beyond the shadow of doubt. Towards the end of Ford’s interrogation, Mitchell surprised many viewers by jokingly asking “would you believe me if I told you that there is no study that says that this setting in five-minute increments is the best way to do [this]?” As if to say “Look, I’m just here to do a job and stay neutral. So if you don’t get the result you want, it’s not my fault. Don’t @ me, GOP bros.”

The GOP was dejected and the outlook was grim. Faux News Anchors were voicing their fears aloud, saying this was a disaster for republicans. Meaning it looked like Dr. Ford was telling the truth, and people believed her. (Spoiler Alert: She’s telling the truth. #BelieveSurvivors) What, oh what were they gonna do? The truth is such a foreign concept to the GOP, they were genuinely baffled at the situation.

Just to remind everyone: Supreme Court positions are LIFETIME appointments, and the vacancy Kavanaugh was nominated to fill already came about in a very peculiar way (with the suspicious, early retirement of Justice Anthony Kennedy), and at a very peculiar time (after the Republican majority senate CHANGED THE RULES in order to confirm Trump’s first pick, Neil Gorsuch…after stalling out Obama’s pick so that Trump could get the pick in the *first* place). Supreme Court rulings affect people for GENERATIONS. If a president as incompetent as Ding-Dong J. Trump is placing TWO people on it? We should ALL be concerned and paying complete attention to the moral character of his nominees. This is, in essence, an intensive background check on someone who wants a very important job. (Kinda like the one we should have done on Donald Trump, #ButHerEmails…)

With Dr. Ford being embraced by the nation as a sympathetic witness, Kavanaugh decided to enter his testimony with brow furrowed, jaw clenched, and eyes full of…invisible tears. He alternated between looking like a spoiled brat, whining about crusts not being cut off his PB&J, and someone suffering with the worst dry mouth and seasonal allergies ever. I’m assuming he was trying to convey the emotional rollercoaster he has been on since these allegations surfaced, but all many saw was a privileged white male fake-crying because this girl and her rape trauma were standing in the way of his big promotion. Poor wittle Bwett Bwett. Mitchell began her line of questioning, but Kavanaugh did not prove to be as willing or cooperative a witness as Dr. Ford. When the Democratic senators had their shot, his agitation and deflection only increased. This was probably evident to the GOP—which is why they suddenly and without announcement decided to dump Mitchell, mid-hearing, and resume the questioning themselves. It was quite the change of course, and to usher it in with proper fanfare, Senator Lindsey “I wanna be Francis Underwood so bad” Graham decided it was his time to SHINE. And by shine, I mean throw a nonsensical hissy fit that would rival a Real Housewife. Lindsey came out BIG MAD. He wanted the world to know. He had to let it show. It was also the cue for the rest of the GOP committee members to fall in line. Questioning Kavanaugh magically and theatrically turned into pacifying Kavanaugh. By the end of their turns, Faux News was spinning this as a major comeback for the GOP. Even after determined Dems like Booker and Harris left him little to no wiggle room, Kavanaugh still was lauded by the right as an honest man who is being smeared by this rape nonsense. One can safely assume they don’t really care if he did it, they just don’t want it to LOOK LIKE he did it. (Another Spoiler Alert: He still looks guilty AF. Because he is.)

If and when the vote proceeds on Friday, we can only hope that enough people on the right saw through the magician’s distraction and are not easily fooled by slight of hand. Aside from the fact that Weepy McRapeyBeer does not seem to possess the mental or emotional stability of a supreme court judge—do we REALLY want to put ourselves in a position to have to explain to our daughters how, not one, but TWO men accused of sexual assault are literally in charge of laws that affect…sexual assailants? How do you make the same mistake twice in a lifetime, America? Oh…wait. White men still in charge. Got it.

Is Sexual Deviancy in the Job Description for SCOTUS, or...

Journey with me, if you will, to the past: a time of bullies, bad fashion and bangs; where hormones run rampant and decisions are as bad as the cafeteria food…I’m talking about High School, folks. I want you to picture your high school friends and acquaintances, count up how many of them you were with every second of every day. Got it? Good, now stick a pin in that thought.

Before Al Gore’s internet gave us social media—the place where people will sleuth out ALL your business, even though you only post a carefully curated highlight reel—the way we remained connected was limited to folded up looseleaf paper and the miracle of three-way calling. So it’s quite possible your friends were able to do things without your knowledge, right? Well, the GOP doesn’t think so. Which is why they are selling us this hot, buttery bullshit of a letter signed by 65 women who happened to know Brett Kavanaugh in high school, in order to refute Dr. Christine Blasey Ford’s attempted rape accusation.

Senator Dianne Feinstein (D-Calif), ranking member of the Senate Judiciary Committee, was made aware of Dr. Ford’s account of sexual assault at Kavanaugh’s hand sometime in July. Feinstein referred the case to the FBI, the accusation became public, and the GOP threw a hissy fit at what looked like a last-minute attempt in thwarting their corruption confirmation plans. Interestingly enough, they were fully prepared with a rebuttal to this very same “last-minute” discovery they complained about. Which lets me know two things: 1) The GOP was very aware of the accusation well ahead of it becoming public, and 2) The GOP is very willing to put an attempted rapist onto the Supreme Court. The rebuttal, issued within 24 hours of the accusation going public, was the aforementioned letter signed by 65 women, who said Kavanaugh has “behaved honorably and treated women with respect” for the entire time they have known him. Let’s unpack that a bit, shall we? Pull out that pin.

How many of us can say we knew 65 people WELL in high school? I mean, being in Beta Club together does not mean I’m sure you are not a rapist. In high school, you had a close friend circle of 5-7 people MAX, and that’s if you were lucky. Sure, there were people you knew outside of that circle, like the folks you shared the lunch table with everyday, your homie on the track team, the kid in homeroom you’d always loan pencils to, and your bus mate that always saved you a seat in the back because CLUTCH, but did you know those people well enough to know their deepest, darkest desires and deeds? HELL NO YOU DID NOT. Additionally, how many of us can say we knew someone well enough in high school, that we would vouch for their every movement and decision thirty years later? I wouldn’t even vouch for my high school boyfriend at this stage in life. Sure, he never raped ME, and he treated ME with honor and respect, but I suspect that was more because he was scared of my mother chopping off his private parts than anything else. I was not with him every minute of the day, so I cannot in good faith sign my name to a document refuting another woman’s experience with him. To make matters worse, Brett Kavanaugh went to an all boy’s school. That means these 65 women knew him even LESS than the women who attended co-ed high schools know their male classmates. Really GOP? An attempted rape charge and this is the best you could come up with? 65 women from the surrounding schools and neighborhoods who knew about a boy named Brett that heard he was a good guy because he never tried to rape THEM? Give me a break.

In a compelling turn of events, what seemed to be a shoo-in confirmation for Kavanaugh has now been paused for more investigation and hearings. Dr. Ford, who has already passed a polygraph test and has medical records detailing the attack which predate Kavanaugh’s nomination by at least 6 years, is scheduled to testify before the committee on Monday, September 24th. I have little hope for justice to prevail, seeing as though I lived through the Anita Hill hearings, but we will watch closely and see how the situation unfolds. Aside from the fact that Kavanaugh would be a total nightmare on the supreme court due to his views on Net Neutrality, Women’s Reproductive Rights, Healthcare, and Gun Laws, we already have one accused sexual deviant on the bench. We don’t need two. *stares directly at Clarence Thomas*