Hold Your Horses, PETA...

(A version of this post first appeared on the citizen.education website.)

What kinda birdbrained nonsense is this?!?

The animal rights organization PETA recently jumped the shark with it’s attempt to drive “speciesism awareness”…cause that’s a thing now. Whatever eager beaver runs their twitter account obviously thought they were being progressive when they sent out multiple ill-informed, ill-conceived, completely illogical tweets comparing common American idioms to racism, ableism, and homophobia. Insults rained like cats and dogs, and by the next day their mentions looked rode hard and put up wet.

The first tweet read “Words matter, and as our understanding of social justice evolves, our language evolves along with it. Here’s how to remove speciesism from your daily conversations.” Underneath was a graphic that gave euphemisms for common phrases, substituting the “species-ist” slang with things that mostly just rhymed or scanned with the original…because they couldn’t be bothered to think of correlating phrases. Substituting “Take the bull by the horns” with “Take the flower by the thorns” literally makes no sense. The original phrase means to take control of an obstacle you’re facing forcefully and with bravery, because there’s no other way around it. Why would you take a flower by the thorns? Have you never heard of garden shears? Are there no other thornless flowers nearby? How about you take these Gerber daisies and gon’ about your business? Whose garden are you in anyway? Isn’t it abusive to flower beds to just run around yanking up the flowers? (See? This is just dumb.) In an effort to not be misunderstood, PETA immediately followed that tweet with: “Just as it became unacceptable to use racist, homophobic, or ableist language, phrases that trivialize cruelty to animals will vanish as more people begin to appreciate animals for who they are and start ‘bringing home the bagels’ instead of the bacon.” Um…Say what now? Ok, there’s so much caucasity to unpack here I don’t even know where to start.

PETA, girl. NOBODY is THAT excited about bringing home bagels over bacon. Number one: bagels are not that expensive. Hell, you can make bagels yourself AT home, no one has to bring them to you. There’s like six ingredients in bagels, and one of them is water. The level of achievement in bringing home bagels is literally minimal. Acquiring BACON, on the other hand (known affectionately in carnivore circles as “meat candy”), is no small feat. One—bacon is not that inexpensive…unless you catch a sale at the grocery store. Bacon costs anywhere from $5-$12 a pound. Do you know how long a pound of bacon lasts in a typical meat-eating American household? NOT LONG. Yet I’m pretty sure somebody has a month old bagel in their cabinet right this minute. Two—Bacon has to be prepared by federally licensed companies or, at the very least, a trained butcher. You can’t just pull out the KitchenAid on a snow day, look up a recipe online and decide to make Bacon. Bacon costs extra to put on everything: salads, sandwiches, burgers, even BAGELS, because it makes everything exponentially better. Bacon wrapped/bacon topped foods? Usually a crowd pleaser. What’s more, no one has ever asked for an extra bagel to go on their bagel. But there are bacon wrapped pork chops. There are bacon and ham pizzas. Look at the blessing of this magical meat: BACON EVEN MAKES BACON BETTER. So bringing it home is sure to delight anyone with tastebuds that also enjoys eating humanely raised animal flesh and fat. Bagels? Girl, bye.
Twitter did what twitter always does, because you can’t teach an old dog new tricks and a leopard never changes it’s spots. The gifs, memes, and snarky comedic responses were spot on, mostly calling out the ridiculousness of these tweets. Some people played along and threw out “replacement language” of their own, while others questioned if this was now offensive to the live, active yeast needed for bagels. Many just kept posting pictures and videos of bacon, which was appreciated and appetizing all at the same time.

Thankfully, folks also hit the more serious side of this issue, noting how equating “speciesism” to racism, ableism, and homophobia is not only inaccurate, it’s dangerous. It’s being blind as a bat to these very real, very serious problems humans face on a daily basis. Not to beat a dead horse, but animals can’t even read or understand the English language to the point where they can decipher and be offended by, nay OPPRESSED by, idioms. If you say “there’s more than one way to skin a cat” in front of your beloved, domesticated feline, chances are they really won’t give a shit. Mostly because cats are ignoring us 23 out of 24 hours of the day, but also because even if it was paying attention? It knows you aren’t talking to it. IT NO UNDERSTAND SO MUCH WORDYS. If you say you’re “dog tired” in front of your Akita, it doesn’t feel like you are taking for granted the work it’s ancestors put in as sleigh dogs and are being insensitive to their plight. It’s gonna stand there, wag its tail and probably still want you to play fetch with the chewy toy because IT DOESN’T KNOW WHAT DOG TIRED EVEN MEANS. Most pets, when they are given commands, are responding to intonation, articulation, and rate of speed, along with your physical demeanor. Sure, they are smart and receptive enough to sense changes in your body chemistry when danger is present, but that does not mean they are sitting around feeling judged by your language. Which is why this extreme anthropomorphism is completely ridiculous. Giving human traits, human emotions, and human intentions to animals is something we all do; but this is taking it way too far. It’s a wolf in sheep’s clothing, because it actually reduces the harm of racism, ableism, and homophobia.

The response from pet lovers, vegetarians, and vegans was a pleasant surprise. Most chimed in by agreeing with those that recognized PETA’s move was trivializing harmful language. Some PETA supporters even went as far as saying they’d overlooked past indiscretions, but after the tone-deafness of these tweets, they can no longer support this organization. I guess this was the straw that broke the camel’s back.

Wall Woes

(A version of this post first appeared on the citizen.education website.)

Reading the news these days feels more like reading a script for an experimental spinoff of “House of Cards.” Contrived crises which affect elections, plea deals for criminal activity, and constant chaos at 1600 Pennsylvania feels as though this administration lifted it’s strategies straight from Netflix. Unfortunately, no one in this version is as smart as the TV characters, so it’s more like all political decisions are being made by Tom Hammerschmidt’s dog. No shade to the dog.

On the heels of losing the House to Democrats, the petulant persimmon presiding over America’s fate is poised to throw yet another tantrum over his border wall funding. Trump wants our government to guarantee him $5 Billion (with a B) toward building a “big, fat, beautiful wall" between the US and Mexico. Never mind that the ENTIRE TIME this idiot yodeled about a damn wall on the campaign trail, he swore Mexico was gonna pay for it (and Mexican legislators have said time and time again NO THE FU@K WE AIN’T); Never mind that Congress told him early on in his tenure he needs to go saddown somewhere with this ridiculous request, and that the cost of the wall has ballooned up to three times the original estimates (latest one puts the cost at around $21 Billion); Never mind that he already threatened to shutdown the government over this issue earlier this year, and still didn’t get his way; Donnie wants his wall, and there’s nothing you level headed, law abiding adults can do to change his mind.

The fact that there are thousands of asylum seekers at the border right now, fleeing life threatening gang violence and poverty caused by their own government’s implosion, is pouring racist gasoline on this dumpster fire of an issue. Weeks before the migrant caravan was even close to the US, Trump started his Paul Revere/Chicken Little routine: running around the country at various GOP political rallies shouting “The immigrants are coming! The fences are falling!” Obviously, this was in an effort to make sure bigoted, xenophobic white people would go out and vote Republican, but it also laid a firm foundation for the reemergence of his wall whining. This may explain why the GOP led congress kicked the can of funding the wall down the road until after midterms. He has since deployed around 5,900 active duty troops to the border, (in addition to the 2,100 national guardsmen already there, costing taxpayers around $210 Million), and recently gave authorization to the military for the use of lethal force against the migrants…even though being admitted as a refugee and seeking asylum in America is a perfectly legal process.

All of this builds pressure on congress right before a vote on the budget, which includes his outrageous wall ask. As we all know, pressure bursts pipes, but in this case? Trump is hoping that pressure builds him a wall. Let’s hope this venture ends up just like the majority of the ones he takes in business: as a spectacular failure.

Who You Gonna Believe--Sarah, or Your Lying Eyes?

(A version of this post first appeared on the citizen.education website.)

For all the talk of White House chaos stemming from Trump’s declining mental stability (whether said decline be from a rumored battle with dementia or narcissistic personality disorder is still up for debate), we can’t ignore a common thread running through his staff: they seem to be incompetent AF. From Eagle Scout letter mix ups to tweets calling Melania by the wrong name, it looks as though many on payroll at 1600 Pennsylvania are not actually qualified for the job. A remixed old adage fits perfectly here: Like employer, like employee. Sure, some of these things can be chalked up to human error, but when you represent the leader of the free world and the United States as a whole, errors are unacceptable. 

In a time where this administration routinely lambasts verifiable truth as “fake news,” yet lies are lauded as “alternative facts,” it has become increasingly difficult to figure out whether or not this chaos is par for the course or purposefully planned. Take for instance the latest gaffe committed by none other than the US Press Secretary, Sarah Huckster-bee Sanders. This walking, talking, Chrysler 300 stands before our nation’s press everyday spinning lies into more lies and never blinks. (I honestly don’t know that she *can* blink with those wonky eyes, but that’s neither here nor there.) Her latest lie actually came with visual aids.

On the day after midterms, our tyrannical tangerine toddler-in-chief gave a press conference which could be classified as one of his most combative to date. At the podium he seemed more defensive than usual, quick to insult reporters and rebuke their questions. He belittled National Urban Radio Network’s April Ryan, saying she was very rude and forcefully repeating “SIT DOWN!” when she would not let him escape a question on voter suppression. He chided PBSNewsHour’s Yamiche Alcindor when she asked about his proclamation of being a nationalist, calling her question “racist.” He pretended to not be able to understand a reporter who asked him about the two Muslim victors in the previous night’s election. The entire thing was a hot mess (you can read the transcript here). The biggest showdown, however, took place on the front row between Trump and CNN’s Jim Acosta. Jim tried to get an answer as to why Trump and the GOP were classifying the caravan of asylum seekers traveling through Mexico as some sort of dangerous immigrant invasion right before midterms. Trump gave his usual non-answer, then got frustrated when he couldn’t escape Acosta’s follow ups. As he repeatedly shouted “That’s enough!” a female white house aide tried to bumrush Acosta and snatch the mic, as he calmly stood there trying to get his question out. Most people who saw this in real time, witnessed exactly that.
Later in the day, it was announced that the White House was revoking Acosta’s press pass. Huh? For what—asking a public servant questions the public wants answered? When asked for clarity, storytellin Sarah issued this statement: “President Trump believes in a free press and expects and welcomes tough questions of him and his Administration. We will, however, never tolerate a reporter placing his hands on a young woman just trying to do her job as a White House intern. This conduct is absolutely unacceptable.” When most of the sane American public read this, their response was a resounding “Girl, WUT?” Surely señorita smokey eye was mistaken, because NOBODY in their right minds who witnessed that exchange would believe this load of nonsense, right?

Wrong.

As soon as the rebukes of her statement came rolling in, Huckabuck Sanders tweeted out a video which she claimed “clearly documented” the “inappropriate behavior” from her official Press Secretary account. It was liked over 100,000 times, and retweeted almost 32,000 times. The trouble is, anyone with half a brain can see that this video was doctored to give the illusion of Acosta’s hand moving faster than it did in real life. Another issue? The video reportedly originated from Infowars—a well known far right-wing conspiracy website who, along with their laughable leader Alex Jones, has been banned from almost all of social media and youtube due to propaganda tactics. Yet, the PRESS SECRETARY OF THE UNITED STATES is spreading their bovine excrement as FACT. What level of incompetence is this? I mean, we know the Trump administration is full of idiots, but really Sarah? Being built like a brick is bad enough, you gotta have a head like one too? Are you aware that you are the press secretary of the country, and not Trumpito’s personal PR agent? Or, could this all be purposeful persuasion via prevarication? This White House knows their base is just a box full of dull tacks and tools, layered with rocks. Anything they throw out there will be accepted as the gospel truth (as found in “two corinthians”). So as to continue their trend of discrediting the press while turning our democracy into a totalitarian regime, they are now citing Inforwars as a reliable source.

This is either the most inept administration of our lifetimes, or the most insidious one. Either way, America? You in danger, girl. 

The Ashiest Room in DC

With nary a proper fade, sharp line, or lick of common sense amongst them, a group of coontastic GOP acolytes, unfortunately possessing the magic of Mother Nature’s melanin in their skin, assembled on Friday to pay their fealty toward habanero Hitler. This gathering, coined the “Young Black Leadership Summit,” was a collection of lost souls who actually feel being a Black conservative in America, circa 2018, is something to be publicly proud of. Promoted by twitter personality and flip-flop charlatan Candace Owens, who seems to run from hairdressers and the truth at equal pace, this summit was supposed to be where young Black conservatives would “hear from some of the nation’s most well-known conservative leaders and activists, receive first-class professional development and leadership training, and network with other attendees and organizations from all across the country.” All of which sounds like cover for a bullshit assembly designed to be a photo op for Trump with Black people right before midterms.

Rumors circulated early on that the people in the audience were hired actors being compensated by Republican special interest groups. Upon further investigation, it was discovered that they weren’t paid to act; They were just paid to be the boot-licking idiots they are. On the Turning Point USA website under “Participant Costs,” it reads: “Admission to this event will be free to all attendees. TPUSA will also be covering lodging at no cost to the attendee for the nights of October 25th-October 27th (checking out the 28th). Lunch will be provided on Saturday, October 27th and brunch on Sunday, October 28th.” Turning Point also provided a form to fill out if a “Travel Stipend” was needed to get to DC. So, the only way they successfully gathered approximately 200 (not the 400 they lied about) Black people willing to be public embarrassments to themselves, their parents, their race, and their assumed intelligence, was to bribe them with free food, free lodging, and free or prorated travel. Sounds like a handout for just showing up, AMIRITE? I thought Black conservatives were supposed to be against that kinda thing?!? Hell, most Black people don’t even show up for free food at parties unless they get an acceptable answer to the time honored question: “who all over there?”
 
Speaking of which, the list of presenters was a laughable cornucopia of people who aren’t even claimed by a majority of the Black American community. It included the usual token folks that GOPers trot out to prove they actually know at least one Black person (Ben Carson, Kay C. James), failed Black “celebrities” (Stacey Dash, Larry Elder), some people looking for youtube fame (David Harris, Jr., Brandon Tatum, Maj Toure and Clay Dub), and a dude who has probably written one of those “A Nigerian Prince Has Left You Money” email scams a time or two (Colion Noir, real name Collins Iyare Idehen, Jr.). Who would rate the “professional development and leadership training” these people offered “first class”….Spirit Airlines? The only profession any of these folks seem to be successful at is tap dancing for white folks and kissing the GOP’s ass. They really needed to hold a four day summit for that?

Back to the main event. Instead of being a world leader and addressing the details surrounding the apprehension of #MAGABomber Cesar Sayoc, Trump decided to hold a pep rally in the East Room of the White House. He spent around 45 minutes lecturing the group of red hatted sycophants with his routine of exaggerated lies, peppered with non sequiturs, and they lapped it up like the trained house pets they were. In between their shouts of “USA! USA!” Trump ran through his usual talking points: making up things he’s done (gained more favor with African American voters) and taking credit for things he didn’t do (the Unemployment rate). He also made sure to mention Kanye West: “For example, we are grateful to Kanye West, how about Kanye? How about Kanye? I don't know. …And -- and one of the polls just comes, Kanye leaves -- and Kanye's really a great guy, he's a little different, do we say? He's a little different. But he has -- he's a smart guy and a good guy. …he's really something very, very special and interesting and I see why people like him. …So -- so I think Kanye -- he may be the most powerful man in all of politics, right?” This backhanded compliment all but confirms that although he’s grateful for the support he, too, thinks Kanye is koo-koo. It has also been said that West is the designer behind the “Blexit” shirts handed out on Saturday at the summit. Koo-koo birds of a feather flocking together AND wearing matching merch? That doesn’t sound like indoctrination AT ALL {/sarcasm font}.

One of the more disheartening things about the summit was the commentary shared from attendees who bought into Trump’s completely unsubstantiated rants about immigrants “taking jobs from the Black community” hook, line and sinker. Two of them even tried to argue with journalist Roland Martin about it, one shouting about taco stands taking over, and the other yelling out nonsensical stats like he had Tourette’s. (WHO is mad about taco stands tho? EVERYONE LOVES TACOS. Maybe you need to invest in taco stands instead of whatever crappy product you’re peddling, my guy. Just saying.) This messaging is completely on brand for the summit, which was supported and funded by groups like the Leadership Institute, The Heritage Foundation, and Campus Reform. These groups fuel conservative ideals against immigration (of brown people), working tirelessly to preserve white supremacy…and what better way to preserve white supremacy than to pit those being oppressed against each other? The divide and conquer tactic of minorities (and poor people) isn’t new; it is a tale as old as time, from slavery overseers to the Southern Strategy to the defeat of the Black Panther Party by the US Government. It looks as though the Trump Administration and the GOP have found a prized pretty pony in Candace Owens and the multitude of Stephens who showed up for this “summit.” Once again, rich white men in America are looking to Black people to do some heavy lifting in safeguarding their positions of power. Unfortunately, there are young Black people who are willing to throw the shackles around their own necks for the price of a cheap weekend in Washington, DC, and a free t-shirt with a crappy design. What a time to be alive.

Megyn KKKelly LEARNED Today

(A version of this post first appeared on the citizen.education website.)

Time to take out the trash…

Last year amid side eyes and confusion, former Fox News Host Megyn KKKelly, awash in white privilege, was gifted her own morning show on NBC. From the start, Kelly seemed an odd and unwelcome choice to the Today show line up; Her brand, which usually caters to obtuse, bottom feeding, nitwits that think “fair and balanced” means “bigoted rhetoric only white people who vote against their best interests believe,” doesn’t really match a partisan neutral, family station like NBC.

The previous 9 AM slot, a ratings leader hosted by venerated veteran Al Roker and walking, talking #BlackGirlMagic, Tamron “your fave could NEVA” Hall, was doing great, and the change seemed antithetical to the progress the network was making. It felt like a move by somebody who wanted to Make Morning Shows Great Again. Most people saw this for what it was—a whitewashing of the daytime lineup, and the National Association of Black Journalists even released a statement calling NBC to the carpet. Yet, NBC persisted.

In September, “Megyn Kelly Today” debuted with special guests, the cast of Will and Grace. It took no time at all for her true colors to come shining through. Kelly surprised a Will and Grace superfan with tickets to a taping of the show. She awkwardly joked not once, but twice about the fan’s sexuality. Debra Messing, replying to those who questioned her appearance on the episode, informed the public that the cast didn’t even know they were going to KKKelly’s show. Which lends credence to the rumors that NBC was having a rough time booking celebrities who weren’t already on their payroll to come and chat it up with Aryan Pride Barbie. The show consistently floundered; Megyn’s constant gaffes as she tried to be a real girl instead of the wooden trash she’s made of, gave her show publicity for all the wrong reasons. She was out of her element having to talk to normal Americans instead of Fox News viewers, and the struggle translated into terrible ratings. The third hour of Today was down nearly 30% in their key demographic.

In her latest show of incompetence and inherent racism, KKKelly decided to question why it’s wrong for white people to wear blackface for Halloween.  Lemme say that again: THIS FOOL WANTS TO KNOW WHY IT IS WRONG FOR WHITE PEOPLE TO WEAR BLACKFACE FOR HALLOWEEN. Which indicates that she understands that it’s wrong, in GENERAL, but for ONE DAY? Y’all gon’ police racism on the ONE DAY she’s supposed to be able to get away with it? Y’all can’t let her have this ONE DAY?!?! What is WRONG with y’all? Y’all have Bella Noche’d Megyn’s holiday! Y’all upsetting her and her homegirls, because they feel like, well damn, if you can’t go full racist on Halloween, when the hell can you go?!?!?

Turns out never, if you want to keep a job that isn’t on Fox News. On Thursday, Oct. 25th, 2018—one year and one month after the debut of her horrible show, KKKelly has been fired amid the blackface backlash. Now, you can imagine her shock and confusion, seeing as though back in 2013, while on her previous network, it was perfectly fine for her to spew ignorance as fact by saying Santa Claus, a fictional character actually based on a Greek/Turkish man, was “just white.” Megyn tried to calm all the little klansmen in training by stating: “And by the way, for all you kids watching at home, Santa just is white. But this person is just arguing that maybe we should also have a black Santa, but Santa is what he is, and just so you know, we’re just debating this ’cause someone wrote about it, kids.” Did she stop there? OH NO. She then went on to say that Jesus, of Nazareth, born in a manger in Bethlehem, a Galilean Jew who died in Jerusalem, was also white. And that it was just a fact: “Jesus was a white man, too… He was a historical figure, that’s a verifiable fact, as is Santa. I just want the kids watching to know that.” I would just like to remind everyone that Galilee is in close proximity to the countries we know today as Syria and Iraq—the homelands of people good ol’ “Christian" Fox viewers love to hate. I’d also like to remind folks that “The Kelly File” aired at 9 PM on weeknights. Megyn thinking “kids” were actually up watching her show is almost as confusing as her thinking Santa is real and Jesus is white.

KKKelly’s show being pulled off the air is definitely the proper response to her comments, her lack of awareness, her lack of talent, and her overall garbage existence. Yet, we still have to question WHY she was given the job in the FIRST place. It’s not like she has ever shown a penchant for factual journalism or possesses likability. But THIS is who NBC overlooked Tamron Hall for. THIS is who NBC paid $69 Million to, TWENTY TIMES more than Tamron was paid. THIS is who NBC built a $10 Million studio for. Of of the myriad ways to waste money, THIS is how NBC chose to do so, and rumor has it there’s no way out of fulfilling that $69 Million contract, even though Megyn only “earned” $20 Million since the show was cancelled in the first year. Meanwhile, Tamron is outchea living her best life on another network, and throwing expert shade at the network that picked White mediocrity over Black excellence (as is routine on a daily basis in all industries across America.…*sigh*).

I don’t know if NBC has ever taken such a huge L, between the ratings drop, the damaged reputation, the blowback AND the millions? That’s quite a hit. But what can they expect when they hire and validate proven racists like KKKelly and her ilk?

Guess they gon’ learn TODAY. 

Immigration: Good Only When White

(A version of this post first appeared on the citizen.education website.)

Looking like he was fresh out of a tanning bed where the color control was set somewhere between “pumpkin pie” and “apple cider,” our Idiot in Chief decided to rile up his racist base by speaking on immigration again Tuesday.

In his statement full of falsehoods, fallacies, and fictitious fantasies, he claimed that the migrant caravan currently moving north from Central America contained MS-13 gang members and Middle Eastern terrorists, financed by Venezuelan leftists and “the democrats, maybe.” Ooook…let’s pretend that the migrants aren't currently running FROM MS-13 gang members. Let’s also assume that Middle Eastern terrorists can’t think of more convenient ways to enter America than flying to Central America, trekking over a THOUSAND miles, on FOOT, through various countries, for MONTHS. (Not to mention Middle Eastern and African immigrants accounted for only 0.7% of border apprehensions last year.) The caravan being funded by “Venezuelan leftists,” when the country of Venezuela is literally in economic free-fall, has to be one of the most laughable parts. WHO is funding a mass exodus of thousands of people? WHAT exactly is being funded—their lack of food, water and shelter? WHEN and WHERE were these funds supposedly collected? HOW are the funds being disbursed? And WHY? What would the end goal even be?!? Proof to back Trumpito’s ramblings is non-existent. He’s actually admitted this. There is absolutely no proof. But facts and truth don’t really matter to anyone in this administration, as demonstrated by Puppet Pence’s presence and support of these nonsensical claims, and Sarah Sanders’ routine doubling down on lies.

If we looked beyond the smoke and funhouse mirrors of this white house, we would see that this administration doesn’t have a problem with immigrants coming to the United States; they only have a problem with certain kinds and colors of immigrants that are coming. As demonstrated by his “shithole countries” remark back in January of this year, the tangerine tyrant isn’t too keen on people that don’t look like him coming to the good ol’ US of A. Yet, people of the paler hue are welcomed with open arms, namely his mail order bride’s wife’s parents. In fact, Melania’s mom and dad became United States citizens through the same program he decried as a dirty process. In a November 2017 tweet, he stated “CHAIN MIGRATION must end now! Some people come in, and they bring their whole family with them, who can be truly evil. NOT ACCEPTABLE!” Two months later, his in-laws took advantage of it, and gained their citizenship. It reminds me of an old saying prevalent in the south: “If you’re White, you’re alright, if you’re Brown, stick around, if you’re Black, stay back.” In Trump’s America, however, the 2018 remix would be “If you’re White, you’re alright AND SCREW THE REST OF YOU.” 

So the Devil Went Down To Georgia...To Disenfranchise Black Voters

(A version of this post first appeared on the citizen.education website.)

You know that phrase “This ain’t yo mama’s civil rights movement,” coined around 2014, during the time of the Ferguson protests? Turns out, it might be a little inaccurate. The civil rights movements of the 50’s and 60’s were focused on equal rights for minorities, namely the right to vote. Since the abolition of slavery, legal voter suppression tactics were commonplace in the form of poll taxes, literacy tests, and plain ol’ physical intimidation, often times leading to death. The Civil Rights Act of 1964 put a stop to most of them, but if you think a white man with a plan to oppress minorities will be denied? You have another think coming. It took an entire century for minorities to actually gain the right to vote, free of charge, yet in just half that time, the Republican Party has figured out cheat codes to work around the 15th Amendment. Since 2008, more than 30 of our 50 states have introduced laws that support voter suppression, and since 2011, 22 states have passed the stricter measures. I’ll give you a hint as to why: it rhymes with “Yo Mama became Resident of the United States.” Looks like we are right back to the same issues of our parent’s (and grandparent’s) civil rights movement.

Just this past weekend, a student has his phone physically ripped away from him by Georgia Senator David Purdue, when he asked Purdue about his support of a candidate who is currently practicing voter suppression. The Senator was at a Georgia Tech game stumping for Secretary of State (and chief election official) Brian Kemp, a Republican currently running for Governor against Stacey Abrams, a Black woman and Democrat. Kemp has been accused of holding up 53,000 new voter registration applications, mostly of minorities and women. The applicants are marked “pending” by Kemp’s office because of Georgia’s “exact match” law, newly passed last year. Some of the things that can hinder an “exact match” approval are a missing hyphen in a last name, a discrepancy between a maiden name and a married name, or a misspelling in government records. As a person whose name is misspelled CONSTANTLY, I completely understand the angst and trepidation a law like this creates. Nobody has a problem spelling “Becky” or “Brett”, but as soon as LaTasha or Jamon turn in their registrations, all kinds of problems occur. White people can spell Tchaikovsky by heart but can’t type Aaliyah without stroking out. Hell, my first name only has three letters of the alphabet in it and people STILL find a way to add more. The insidiousness of this law is that it disproportionately affects minorities—in this case, those more apt to vote for Abrams. The race in Georgia is said to be a toss up, and 53,000 votes could make or break a candidate.

Not to be outdone in racism new voter legislation, North Carolina enacted a law that has effectively shut down 20 percent of their early voting locations. In an effort to throw the rock and hide their hand, they claim the *hours* available for early voting won’t be reduced, just a small change in *days* available, eliminating the Saturday before the election. The hours usually allocated to that Saturday have now been dispersed throughout the week, making 12 hour days for polling volunteers. Without the manpower to work these new hours, polling places have been forced to close. Minority voters are said to be the main beneficiaries of early voting, due to work and transportation hinderances on weekdays. What day do they mostly show up? You guessed it: the last Saturday before the election. In 2016, 200,000 people voted on that day alone. By eliminating this day, minority votes are exponentially annihilated.

The south isn’t the only place minorities are being disenfranchised; this week, North Dakota’s controversial ID laws were confusingly upheld by the Supreme Court. The law requires residents to now show identification with a current *street* address and not their tribal government issued ID cards which only show a PO Box, as they have always done in the past (and even in the primaries, which occurred weeks ago). Just one problem with that whole street address thing: the Native American North Dakotans who live on reservations, numbering in the tens of thousands, do not have street addresses. I bet you’re wondering who Native Americans have a tendency to vote for. Hint: it ain’t Republicans.

Voter fraud is practically non-existent in Georgia, North Carolina, North Dakota and the ENTIRE country, so these measures obviously aren’t about maintaining the integrity of the process. On the contrary, these republican led initiatives are made for one thing and one thing only: to stop the people who traditionally vote against their party from doing so. For anybody out there who still thinks voting is futile, I ask you this: if it didn’t matter, why are these old white men going through so much trouble to stop you from doing it?

Bizarro World Shenanigans

If 2018 hasn’t been confusing enough for you, here’s a little conundrum to ponder: while Kanye “slavery was a choice” West is running around here in MAGA hats and supporting Donald Trump, his arch nemesis, Taylor “we still don’t know how you won that VMA over Beyonce´ but whatever” Swift is throwing her public support behind the democrats running for Congress in her home state of Tennessee. Yes folks, you read that right: that leggy loaf of Wonder Bread who crafts an ear worm like no other; the patron saint of melanin deficient, boy-crazy basicness; the poster girl for all things vanilla pop; THAT TAYLOR SWIFT is pledging to vote blue in a red state, while Ye is supporting red pols in a blue state. What. Is. Happening.

On Sunday, October 7th, Taylor released an IG post that broke from her usual silence on politics. It was provocative! It got the people going! She denounced republican incumbent Marsha Blackburn, stating Blackburn’s abysmal voting record as the reason they now have bad blood. If her declaration on behalf of democrats wasn’t sufficient, Tay-Tay is also encouraging all her followers, which includes a huge chunk of 18-23 year olds, to register, vote, and follow her lead. This, of course, lead to the inevitable by racists angry, dejected fans: public displays of lighting her (already purchased and profited off of) merchandise on fire and decrying her choices.

The burning question I have, however, is this: HOW TF IS TAYLOR SWIFT MORE WOKE THAN KANYE WEST RIGHT NOW? I mean, I’m sure it has something to do with his proximity to the succubus that is Kris Kardashian Jenner and her cambion daughters (I mean, their initials *are* KKK…), along with a refusal to medicate for his Bipolar disorder, but…STILL. This is the same dude who, on national television, uttered the words “George Bush does not care about Black people” while we watched New Orleans drowning in Katrina’s waters and her people abandoned on rooftops. This is the same dude who, on his first album, said “Now n---as can't make it to ballots to choose leadership/ But we can make it to Jacob's and to the dealership/ Swear I hear new music and I just don't be feelin' it/ Racism's still alive, they just be concealin' it”. THE SAME DUDE that said "Meanwhile the DEA/ Teamed up with the CCA/ They tryna lock n---as up/ They tryna make new slaves/ See that's that privately owned prison/ Get your piece today” on one of his more recent albums. Ye went from rapping about how the government oppresses minorities he identified with to embracing a fascist looney toon that is literally locking little brown children up in concentration camps, all the while saying he won’t be “bullied” into believing fat meat is greasy. Woof. I don’t claim to know the late Ms. Donda West’s politics, but I’m led to believe this ain’t how she raised him to be.

On the other hand, Taylor Swift, who is probably aware that a large portion of her fan base are children of (and members of) the 53 percenters, is willing to put her career aspirations to the side and stand for what is good, right and just. Taylor Swift, whose lyrics are pretty much all about boys, having fun with boys, falling in love with boys, breaking up with boys, having fun with her girls without boys, etc. etc., is using her real life voice to stand up for minorities with her vote. Taylor Swift, who (in my honest opinion) sometimes can’t hold a note in a bucket when performing live, is holding up her fist in solidarity to resist and reject those who stand with the tangerine tyrant. TAYLOR SWIFT, who was ACTUALLY BULLIED on stage by Hennessy fueled Kanye West, is standing with people who don’t look like her, love like her, or identify gender-wise like her, because she knows that her stance has weight and can change THEIR lives for the better. She’s a very rich, very famous white woman in America—it’s safe to say she’s fine when it comes to how the government affects her personally. She doesn’t even have skin in this game, yet she’s acting more like skinfolk to minorities than a person who is actual. skinfolk. We are firmly in Bizzaro world.

To add insult to injury, Kanye is supposed to be meeting with Pumpkin Spice Putin (you know, because he’s the gross American version…and he looks like a bloated orange gourd) YET AGAIN. To discuss what, heaven only knows. While he’s kissing up to dictators, I think I’ll remove his albums from my iTunes library and make room for an album or two from Tay-Tay. Well…maybe not a whole album, but some singles for sure. I might even dedicate one to Ye…namely WE ARE NEVER EVER GETTING BACK TOGETHER. #KanyeIsCancelled

for white women who consider commenting when being quiet is ENUF

(A version of this post first appeared on the citizen.education website.)

Oh boy. Another well meaning white woman has placed her pretty, porcelain-toned foot in her mouth again. And…it’s one I actually like. Help, Fatha. *facepalm*

Bette Midler, who has earned much deserved praise for being a national theatre treasure and a sassy-as-can-be critic of Mango Mussolini, committed a giant misstep last night when she resurrected Yoko Ono’s 1969 trash-ass quote “Woman is the ni**er of the World.” I could write 5,674 paragraphs on how this is one of the most asinine, offensive comparisons ever made, but I’mma save my breath.  Because it doesn’t make a difference. Because when Yoko Ono got flamed for it back then, she and John Lennon just doubled down and made a SONG out of the s#!t three years later. Yes, Beatle John Lennon. Yes, “Imagine” John Lennon. Let’s face it: No matter their race, most (if not ALL) of our faves are problematic AF.

Bette wandered into this minefield while attempting to make a point about the blatant disrespect and oppression women across the planet have experienced, in light of the travesty happening on the hill re: Brett Kavanaugh. Her tweet went on to say: “Raped, beaten, enslaved (‘scuse me? Um…I’m still trying to figure out what woman of European background was “enslaved”, but I’mma let you finish), married off, worked like dumb animals; denied education and inheritance (or reparations…but go ‘head….); enduring the pain and danger of childbirth (Black women 3-4 times MORESO than any other race of women, but still…keep on talking…) and life IN SILENCE for THOUSANDS of years[.] They are the most disrespected creatures on earth [sic].”

People came in hot and fast, letting Ms. Bette know she was on that bullshit. Did she stop, *slide biggity bounce* pause, *shiggity wash it twerk it* and look at God, while contemplating why she was wrong?(My Louisiana people know that reference.) Nah, not at first. She did what any self-righteous tweeter in 2018 does when they are called out: made the situation worse by trying to explain why they were indeed, right the first time. Her follow up tweet read: “I gather I have offended many by my last tweet. ‘Women are the…etc’ is a quote from Yoko Ono from 1972, which I never forgot. It rang true then, and it rings true today, whether you like it or not (ORLY BISH?!?!). This is not about race, this is about the status of women; THEIR HISTORY."

Bette. Ma’am. How you gon’ say something *isn’t* about race when CLEARLY you used race as a descriptor in trying to emphasize and support your claim?!? That’s not how this works. THAT’S NOT HOW ANY OF THIS WORKS.  Folks tried again to help her, some even pointing out the obvious, that BLACK WOMEN ACTUALLY STILL EXIST (therefore this wrongheaded comparison shouldn’t…), but good ol’ Bette wasn’t having it. Mama's talkin' loud. Mama's doin' fine. Mama's gettin' hot. Mama's goin' stong.

Next, she tweeted a snippet of Jane Mayer and Ronan Farrow’s New Yorker article detailing the humiliation of Kavanaugh supporter and subject of lascivious limericks, Renate Dolphin, captioned: “SEE WHAT I MEAN??” No Bette. We don’t see it. You know what we see? “From a distance, you look like my friend”, but lady we just cannot comprehend WHY YOU WON’T STOP AND LISTEN TO WHAT WE ARE SAYING! Is the wind beneath your wings that hazy and dense?

After HOURS of people attempting to explain why the FIRST tweet was inappropriate, the SECOND tweet was unacceptable, and the THIRD tweet was damn near abominable, Bette offered this olive branch, in hopes of correcting her course: “The too brief investigation of allegations against Kavanaugh infuriated me. Angrily I tweeted w/o thinking my choice of words would be enraging to black women who doubly suffer, both by being women and by being black. I am an ally and stand with you; always have. And I apologize.”

Now, because I am a reasonable person, and tend to take people at their word (when they don’t have a track record of being completely obtuse), I accept Ms. Midler’s apology. I realize that she is a woman of a certain age, who may or may not be well versed in how to conduct herself on social media with the caution and care necessary in today’s reactionary times. (Bette wasn’t ready for the furor that is Black twitter, y’all. They have #Canceled her…even though 65% of them didn’t even know who she was in the first place TO cancel. LMAO) Look—we’re human. We make mistakes. And the most accurate measure of a person’s maturity and willingness to learn is their being able to admit said mistakes and earnestly apologizing for them (even if it takes a few hundred tweets explaining why you’re wrong, and a few hours for the realization to kick in…*sigh*). Bette’s past actions and commentary lead me to believe she is a genuine ally to minorities, who deserves a second chance. She earnestly didn’t know why she was wrong. Now she does. Let’s move forward…but keep this in her file for reference. *side eye*

As a hardline, general rule? White women, lissen. Listen to me. Please.
Don’t you EVA *clap* NOT *clap* NEVA *clap clap clap* compare yourselves to another marginalized group in order to prove you’re oppressed. There is ENOUGH injustice to go around, and we don’t need qualifiers. Y’all are still #2 on the totem pole of world domination, and at least 53% of you in this country are fighting tooth and nail to maintain said position. Yes, women are ABSOLUTELY being maltreated in every corner of the globe. But what we’re NOT finna do is act like being considered a “ni**er” AND a woman isn’t a herculean load to carry for BLACK WOMEN. The irony of saying and thinking people treat “ni**ers” SO bad in this country, that women can be classified as “the ni**ers of the WORLD” isn’t lost on me. The problem is, ni**ers are still treated as ni**ers all over the world too, madam. Whether YOU like it or not, the oppression olympics is one contest you will never win.

Rose, the iconic character Bette portrayed in the musical “Gypsy,” laments in her final number: “Why did I do it? What did it get me?” I hope Ms. Midler is somewhere reflecting on this faux pas and pledging to do better in the future, and that white women who claim to be allies use this as a cautionary tale. Yes, you have every right to lament about your oppression, just not at the expense of other people who have it as bad as, if not WORSE than you. Measure your words carefully, and proceed with caution. Phone a minority friend before you tweet if necessary. Be thoughtful, not harmful. If you choose otherwise, we’ll all be singing another line from that song: “Thanks a lot and out with the garbage.” 

Rape Apologists Raise Funds for Raggedy (alleged) Rapist

(A version of this post first appeared on the citizen.education website)

In today’s latest installment of “Losing My Faith In Humanity”… *sigh*
Brett Kavanaugh, the drunken frat boy who is wholly unfit to sit on any bench (let alone one in the highest court of the land), apparently has a bevy of sympathizers willing to come up out of their pockets and pensions to show their support…and ignorance. Started by John Hawkins of Ocean Isle Beach, NC, a Go Fund Me page for “Brett Kavanaugh’s Family” has raised over $500K in 8 days. Half a million dollars. For a privileged white man who is gainfully employed and looking for a raise. For a man who owns a $1.2 Million dollar home in Chevy Chase. For a man who will earn a pension somewhere around $250K a year. Really? Far be it from me to spend other people’s money, but I’m sure there are causes more worthy than this.

Johnny boy, whose claim to fame is running the “Right Wing News” website where he’s touted as the “blogosphere’s premier interviewer” (and he’s verified on Twitter AND Facebook, THANK YOU VERY MUCH), fears for Brett’s safety and wants his family to be taken care of in this “very scary time for young men in America” (side eye to salmon colored Satan for that nonsense). John says the money will go toward security detail for the Kavanaugh Klan, or be used “however they see fit”. He doesn’t personally know Kavanaugh—as is made evident in every update he’s posted on the account, detailing his attempts to get in touch with the family. John has contacts that know people that know Kavanaugh…maybe. I’m guessing this is a friend of a friend’s sister’s cousin’s hairdresser’s FedEx guy that delivers Brett’s kegs on a weekly basis? Who knows. As of the latest update, he has talked to a staffer that knows the judge and was told it may take a little while before they get an answer as to what to do with the money.

What’s most surprising (read: ABSOLUTELY EXPECTED BECAUSE 53%ers ARE TRASH) is the number of women who have contributed to this campaign. At the time of this writing, the “most raised from sharing” distinction goes to Ms. Dori Medina, whose social network apparently consists of people who think Brett has gotten a raw deal and have collectively raised $105 toward the effort. Dori, I could name about 50 other charities that could put that $105 toward MUCH better use, namely RAINN, the National Sexual Assault Hotline. They experienced an unprecedented 200% increase in call volume during Kavanaugh’s hearing and, according to their website, are still having longer than usual wait times. The irony of this situation is quite disheartening: Assault survivors finally feel brave enough to share their stories, yet 11,813 people feel the man accused of attempted rape and other sexual deviances is the one who needs protection. I admittedly haven’t done the math, but I’d wager at least 53% of those eleven thousand are white women. These people should all be ashamed of themselves. Next time they inquire as to why women don’t report sexual assault? They should check their bank and credit card statements.

I Am White Man...Hear Me ROAR

(A version of this post first appeared on the citizen.education website)

Oh, boy. Thursday was a DAY.

The Senate Judiciary Committee held a public hearing for Supreme Court Nominee Brett Kavanaugh and Dr. Christine Blasey Ford, one of the 4 (5? I can’t keep up…) women who has accused him of being a sexual assailant. This hearing was supposed to help the committee and the American public get a better view into the allegations, hear both sides of the story, and possibly determine their validity in a non-partisan, objective environment. Yeaaaaaaaah, that didn’t really happen.

The first clue that the GOP was full of games and shenanigans was the presence of Rachel Mitchell, a special prosecutor from Arizona experienced in sex crimes. The Judiciary Committee has no women on the GOP side, so what do these old-crotchety-white-men-who-only-want-to-promote-their-agendas do? Hire one from across the country and fly her in to question Dr. Ford, so that they don’t *look like* the bunch of old-crotchety-white-men-attacking-a-survivor-of-sexual-abuse-in-order-to-promote-their-agendas they are. Ms. Mitchell however, proved to be a bit of a backfired plan for the Republicans. Since the committee members take 5 minute turns, and the political parties alternate each turn, Mitchell was only allowed to proceed after her questioning had been interrupted by apologies and praise from Democrats. Through this frustrating and tedious process, Mitchell ended up bolstering Dr. Ford’s credibility, almost beyond the shadow of doubt. Towards the end of Ford’s interrogation, Mitchell surprised many viewers by jokingly asking “would you believe me if I told you that there is no study that says that this setting in five-minute increments is the best way to do [this]?” As if to say “Look, I’m just here to do a job and stay neutral. So if you don’t get the result you want, it’s not my fault. Don’t @ me, GOP bros.”

The GOP was dejected and the outlook was grim. Faux News Anchors were voicing their fears aloud, saying this was a disaster for republicans. Meaning it looked like Dr. Ford was telling the truth, and people believed her. (Spoiler Alert: She’s telling the truth. #BelieveSurvivors) What, oh what were they gonna do? The truth is such a foreign concept to the GOP, they were genuinely baffled at the situation.

Just to remind everyone: Supreme Court positions are LIFETIME appointments, and the vacancy Kavanaugh was nominated to fill already came about in a very peculiar way (with the suspicious, early retirement of Justice Anthony Kennedy), and at a very peculiar time (after the Republican majority senate CHANGED THE RULES in order to confirm Trump’s first pick, Neil Gorsuch…after stalling out Obama’s pick so that Trump could get the pick in the *first* place). Supreme Court rulings affect people for GENERATIONS. If a president as incompetent as Ding-Dong J. Trump is placing TWO people on it? We should ALL be concerned and paying complete attention to the moral character of his nominees. This is, in essence, an intensive background check on someone who wants a very important job. (Kinda like the one we should have done on Donald Trump, #ButHerEmails…)

With Dr. Ford being embraced by the nation as a sympathetic witness, Kavanaugh decided to enter his testimony with brow furrowed, jaw clenched, and eyes full of…invisible tears. He alternated between looking like a spoiled brat, whining about crusts not being cut off his PB&J, and someone suffering with the worst dry mouth and seasonal allergies ever. I’m assuming he was trying to convey the emotional rollercoaster he has been on since these allegations surfaced, but all many saw was a privileged white male fake-crying because this girl and her rape trauma were standing in the way of his big promotion. Poor wittle Bwett Bwett. Mitchell began her line of questioning, but Kavanaugh did not prove to be as willing or cooperative a witness as Dr. Ford. When the Democratic senators had their shot, his agitation and deflection only increased. This was probably evident to the GOP—which is why they suddenly and without announcement decided to dump Mitchell, mid-hearing, and resume the questioning themselves. It was quite the change of course, and to usher it in with proper fanfare, Senator Lindsey “I wanna be Francis Underwood so bad” Graham decided it was his time to SHINE. And by shine, I mean throw a nonsensical hissy fit that would rival a Real Housewife. Lindsey came out BIG MAD. He wanted the world to know. He had to let it show. It was also the cue for the rest of the GOP committee members to fall in line. Questioning Kavanaugh magically and theatrically turned into pacifying Kavanaugh. By the end of their turns, Faux News was spinning this as a major comeback for the GOP. Even after determined Dems like Booker and Harris left him little to no wiggle room, Kavanaugh still was lauded by the right as an honest man who is being smeared by this rape nonsense. One can safely assume they don’t really care if he did it, they just don’t want it to LOOK LIKE he did it. (Another Spoiler Alert: He still looks guilty AF. Because he is.)

If and when the vote proceeds on Friday, we can only hope that enough people on the right saw through the magician’s distraction and are not easily fooled by slight of hand. Aside from the fact that Weepy McRapeyBeer does not seem to possess the mental or emotional stability of a supreme court judge—do we REALLY want to put ourselves in a position to have to explain to our daughters how, not one, but TWO men accused of sexual assault are literally in charge of laws that affect…sexual assailants? How do you make the same mistake twice in a lifetime, America? Oh…wait. White men still in charge. Got it.

UNGA Comedy Special

(A version of this post first appeared on the citizen.education website.)

Thank You & Try The Veal!

Today, instead of being bored with the business of maintaining solid social, economic, cultural and humanitarian efforts across the globe, the United Nations General Assembly was treated to a comedy show staring Mango Mussolini himself, Donald J. Trump. Although he arrived half an hour late to his set, the orange-dyed dictator landed some solid laughs right out of the gate. With a straight face and steeled reserve, he dug into his favorite bag of one liners to deliver this gem: "In less than two years, my administration has accomplished more than almost any administration in the history of our country…” A wave of giggles began to take over the audience, interrupting the statement and almost derailing the despot, but salmon colored Satan knows how to work his audience. In the next breath, he went in for the kill by stating: “So true.” The crowd lost it. Never before, in the history of the UNGA, has a world leader been laughed at so heartily. This is definitely one for the record and history books. To top it all off, the idiot-in-chief showed a fleeting moment of chagrin when he said “Didn’t expect that reaction, but that’s ok,” to which the crowd applauded and laughed harder.

Unfortunately, that was the peak of his performance. As the rest of his set labored on, he bragged on his bromance with crazed dictator Kim Jong Un, rambled through complaints about America being treated unfairly in trade agreements, and threw jabs at China, the Assad regime, Iran, and Germany. The Germans, however, took it in stride, offering up more laughter and shared whispers among themselves which seemed to say “This guy is hilarious!” Even still, Trump was visibly out of his depth at the podium. This was not the audience full of MAGA hats and “Lock Her Up” chants he’s grown so accustomed to for the past three years. On this stage, he is among political peers and intellectual giants. The clementine clown act just doesn’t cut it at the UN.

True to form, there is always, always, ALWAYS A TWEET that makes a Trump situation ironic as hell. I rarely agree with the statements of Donald Trump, but on this 25th day of September in the year of our Lord two thousand and eighteen, I find myself on one accord with a tweet his assistant he made long before he became the HNIC (Head Nectarine In Charge).  It stated: “We need a President who isn’t a laughing stock to the entire World. We need a truly great leader, a genius at strategy and winning. Respect!”—Donald J. Trump, August 9, 2014 3:30 AM (via Twitter)
Indeed, we do, and I believe Donald Trump can actually be the one who will facilitate this occurrence, by including these two words into his next public speech: "I resign.”
(Bonus points if he adds: “And I’m taking Pence with me.”)

Is Sexual Deviancy in the Job Description for SCOTUS, or...

Journey with me, if you will, to the past: a time of bullies, bad fashion and bangs; where hormones run rampant and decisions are as bad as the cafeteria food…I’m talking about High School, folks. I want you to picture your high school friends and acquaintances, count up how many of them you were with every second of every day. Got it? Good, now stick a pin in that thought.

Before Al Gore’s internet gave us social media—the place where people will sleuth out ALL your business, even though you only post a carefully curated highlight reel—the way we remained connected was limited to folded up looseleaf paper and the miracle of three-way calling. So it’s quite possible your friends were able to do things without your knowledge, right? Well, the GOP doesn’t think so. Which is why they are selling us this hot, buttery bullshit of a letter signed by 65 women who happened to know Brett Kavanaugh in high school, in order to refute Dr. Christine Blasey Ford’s attempted rape accusation.

Senator Dianne Feinstein (D-Calif), ranking member of the Senate Judiciary Committee, was made aware of Dr. Ford’s account of sexual assault at Kavanaugh’s hand sometime in July. Feinstein referred the case to the FBI, the accusation became public, and the GOP threw a hissy fit at what looked like a last-minute attempt in thwarting their corruption confirmation plans. Interestingly enough, they were fully prepared with a rebuttal to this very same “last-minute” discovery they complained about. Which lets me know two things: 1) The GOP was very aware of the accusation well ahead of it becoming public, and 2) The GOP is very willing to put an attempted rapist onto the Supreme Court. The rebuttal, issued within 24 hours of the accusation going public, was the aforementioned letter signed by 65 women, who said Kavanaugh has “behaved honorably and treated women with respect” for the entire time they have known him. Let’s unpack that a bit, shall we? Pull out that pin.

How many of us can say we knew 65 people WELL in high school? I mean, being in Beta Club together does not mean I’m sure you are not a rapist. In high school, you had a close friend circle of 5-7 people MAX, and that’s if you were lucky. Sure, there were people you knew outside of that circle, like the folks you shared the lunch table with everyday, your homie on the track team, the kid in homeroom you’d always loan pencils to, and your bus mate that always saved you a seat in the back because CLUTCH, but did you know those people well enough to know their deepest, darkest desires and deeds? HELL NO YOU DID NOT. Additionally, how many of us can say we knew someone well enough in high school, that we would vouch for their every movement and decision thirty years later? I wouldn’t even vouch for my high school boyfriend at this stage in life. Sure, he never raped ME, and he treated ME with honor and respect, but I suspect that was more because he was scared of my mother chopping off his private parts than anything else. I was not with him every minute of the day, so I cannot in good faith sign my name to a document refuting another woman’s experience with him. To make matters worse, Brett Kavanaugh went to an all boy’s school. That means these 65 women knew him even LESS than the women who attended co-ed high schools know their male classmates. Really GOP? An attempted rape charge and this is the best you could come up with? 65 women from the surrounding schools and neighborhoods who knew about a boy named Brett that heard he was a good guy because he never tried to rape THEM? Give me a break.

In a compelling turn of events, what seemed to be a shoo-in confirmation for Kavanaugh has now been paused for more investigation and hearings. Dr. Ford, who has already passed a polygraph test and has medical records detailing the attack which predate Kavanaugh’s nomination by at least 6 years, is scheduled to testify before the committee on Monday, September 24th. I have little hope for justice to prevail, seeing as though I lived through the Anita Hill hearings, but we will watch closely and see how the situation unfolds. Aside from the fact that Kavanaugh would be a total nightmare on the supreme court due to his views on Net Neutrality, Women’s Reproductive Rights, Healthcare, and Gun Laws, we already have one accused sexual deviant on the bench. We don’t need two. *stares directly at Clarence Thomas*

Can a Cop Ever Be Seen As a Criminal? (What I Really Wanted To Say)

So, the #CrimingWhileWhite trend on twitter a few years back gave us a sneak peek at how many white people get away with crime ON A DAILY BASIS. People of color didn’t need twitter to tell us that white people can do what we can’t, but when you actually read through all those tweets, it becomes blatantly obvious that our skin makes us an automatic target of suspicion, apprehension, and detention—whether we actually committed a crime or not. The only group of people that I would bet get away with crime more than white people? Cops. So that means…white cops are out here WINNING in the “getting away with crime” department.

Our most recent case in point: Officer Amber Guyger of the Dallas Police Department.

Now, Amber got herself into a stitch on Thursday, September 6th, 2018, when she murdered  shot and killed 26 year old Botham Shem Jean. Brother Botham was literally minding his own doggone business, in his own doggone home, when Amber allegedly mistook his apartment for hers, then mistook him—the rightful occupant of said apartment—as a burglar, then supposedly issued verbal commands (of what?), which were allegedly ignored (Listen, if I’m in MY house and YOU come busting in MY door screaming “commands” at me, I’m gonna probably “ignore” them too), then she shot at Jean twice, hitting him once, lethally.

Now, I know what you’re thinking: THIS STORY SOUNDS LIKE STRAIGHT BOVINE EXCREMENT. And you’re right. Because never in the history of ever, have I heard of someone going to the WRONG apartment (especially when said apartment is on a WHOLE ‘NOTHER FLOOR and has a BRIGHT RED DOORMAT THAT YOU DO NOT OWN), getting INTO said apartment (depending on which story of hers you choose to believe, either he confronted her at the door, or the door was “ajar”…yet she STILL entered “her” apartment), and not realizing in 1.3 seconds that they are, indeed, in the wrong damn apartment. There are a dozen triggers that would alert people who are NOT professionally trained investigators that they are in the wrong place…so we’re supposed to believe OFFICER Amber Guyger just lost all sense of sight, sound, and smell on her way home that evening? Ok.

Adding insult to deadly injury, they did not arrest her nor serve a warrant to search her home or vehicle—but they did, in fact, serve a warrant to search the Black man she killed in cold blood victim’s home, and couldn’t WAIT to tell everyone they found a “small amount of marijuana” and a “metal grinder” in his domicile. Um…AND?!?! Look, I don’t care if Botham Jean was counting bricks on the couch for El Chapo, SHE STILL ENTERED HIS HOME UNLAWFULLY AND KILLED HIM. But, as a Black man, the rules state that he HAS to be depicted as the criminal his skin dictates he is.

The Dallas PD, in conjunction with the DA’s office and the Texas Rangers are investigating the case, and issued an arrest warrant for Officer Guyger on Sunday, September 9th, THREE WHOLE DAYS after the incident. I’m sure they just wanted to make positively certain they gave Amber time to get her story straight gathered as much evidence as they could to have a solid case…even though they STILL HAVE NOT ISSUED A WARRANT TO SEARCH HER HOME OR VEHICLE. She is also still on paid administrative leave. Black people of Dallas: your tax dollars are going to GREAT use.

What will come of this case remains to be seen. But if history is any kind of teacher, this story of mistaken apartment identity will be accepted as the gospel truth, and Botham Jean’s family will not receive the justice they rightly deserve. Amerikkka will accept yet another dead Black body at the hands of law enforcement as an unavoidable circumstance. And Officer Amber Guyger will become the latest winner of the #CrimingWhileWhite and #CrimingWhileCop double lottery. 

Can a Cop Ever Be Seen As a Criminal? (The Civilized, Fact Focused Version)

The shooting death of 26 year old Botham Shem Jean by Officer Amber Guyger is a study on how police may be incapable of seeing one of their own as a criminal. When the events of Thursday, September 6th were made public, most people were left with more questions than answers. Unfortunately, the public seems to be the only ones openly questioning Officer Guyger’s claims and viewing her actions as criminal. Between her strange, varied accounts of the incident and subsequent kid-glove treatment, there is speculation that Botham Jean’s family may never see proper justice.

Guyger states she mistook Jean’s apartment for her own, even though she lives on a different floor and the unit numbers are clearly marked. Now, those of us who have lived in apartment buildings are aware that they can be cookie-cutter in appearance, but there are certain things which usually clue you in to the fact you are on a different floor from your own. Noises, smells, and the exterior decorations neighbors choose to display—be it a wreath or doormat—differ from floor to floor. One glaring difference between Jean’s apartment and Officer Guyger’s is that he had a bright red doormat in front of his door; it is reported that Guyger has no mat at all in front of hers.

Guyger’s latest claim is that she entered the home with her key, but that the door was slightly ajar. One would think as a trained law enforcement professional, this would have alerted Officer Guyger to assess her surroundings and come to the realization that something was off before she entered the unit. Yet, she opened the door to what she describes as a dark room, perceived the lawful occupant of the unit as a burglar, gave verbal commands, and fired when they were ignored. It was not reported as to whether or not she, as a person sworn to protect and serve, rendered aid to Jean once she turned on the lights and realized she was in his home, not hers.

When Officer Guyger called the emergency response team, they responded to what they thought was an officer involved shooting so, understandably, she was not immediately taken into custody. The Dallas Chief of Police invited the Texas Rangers to run a separate investigation as they worked alongside the DA’s office, seemingly to avoid conflict of interest. However, from this point on, Guyger was not treated the way a suspect who just killed someone is usually treated.

The incident happened on Thursday night around 10 PM. Early reports highlighted how she was “visibly distraught” over the shooting, and there was no word of her being arrested or charged with a crime. On the morning after the shooting, a search warrant was issued to investigate items in the victim’s home, and the DA’s office recently allowed information pertaining to the results of that search to be released to the media, highlighting that a small amount of marijuana was found in Jean’s apartment. Interestingly enough, no warrant has yet been issued to search Guyger’s home or vehicle. Furthermore, Officer Guyger did not have a warrant issued for her arrest until Sunday, September 9th—three days after Botham Jean was killed. She was taken into the Kaufman County Jail, which is a separate county from where the incident occurred, and posted bond hours later. Throughout all this, she remained (and still remains) on administrative leave, meaning she is still gainfully employed by the Dallas Police Department.

Guyger and her story have been handled with what seems to be the assumption of absolute innocence, even though it is irrefutable the bullets that killed Botham Jean were fired by her own hand. On the contrary, Jean is now being presented as a lawbreaker for having marijuana in his domicile, corresponding with the routine occurrence of smear campaigns carried out in the media on people of color killed by law enforcement. No matter the circumstance, no matter the evidence, cops have escaped the label of “murderer”, as though their uniforms were made of a special blend of crime-resistant polyester. They shoot bullets into Black bodies while dodging the bullet of a guilty verdict. This begs the question as to whether or not police can ever be perceived as criminals in this country, especially when the crime they commit is the execution of a person of color.